Thursday, October 22, 2009
I am truly amazed at how considerate, thoughtful, and serving they are to others even when they are going through so much. Shortly after the party, they had to take Ari to the hospital in St. George to have her pick line flushed. It wasn't an emergency or anything, but it had to be done. A few hours later they returned with food for their kids. They are taking Ari to Primary Children's for a chemo treatment on Friday.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I spoke with Travis this evening. He said that everything is still the same: still in the hospital, still running tests, and still having little ups and downs. She does have a lesion on her brain. They are trying to figure out if any of the treatment has stopped the growth. It's a "wait and see" game.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
We all know Ari’s sickness has been a roller coaster of ups and downs; good and bad. Good health for a couple of days and then unexpected and devastating. Even to the point of near-death as her body has collapsed from the disease. Most of it has had to do with her condition of Diabetes Insipidus, which has caused her sodium levels to rise and fall. She has become extremely dehydrated and in a matter of minutes she can collapse, have convulsions, and minor comas completely take over her physical body.
She has also experienced a large amount of pain over this last week. Pain, that oxycodine and morphine could not alleviate. The doctors don’t know exactly where the pain came from or if it will return. Her blood levels have also been very weak, requiring blood transfusions. The most consistent symptom has been a fever on a daily basis. Sometimes she has two or three fevers a day, but without fail, at least one a day. The hope is that she has some kind of viral infection that is causing these symptoms.
However, they have run test after test this week, and are not finding any type of virus or infection. As a result, the doctors believe it is the LCH that is causing her symptoms. It is very important we find out. According to the Oncology doctor, if it is the LCH we must aggressively change what we are doing because it isn’t enough. If we don’t, she may rapidly decline. Similar case studies in the past have not been favorable. (You can translate that for yourself.)
Unfortunately, if it is the LCH that is causing all of these symptoms including: fever and pain. Then, the road ahead will be very, very challenging. They are going to start all of the tests, surgeries, biopsies, cat scans, and x-rays, etc. There are many and they are painful and discomforting. Mom, Jaymi, Lori, Jake, and Amber have witnessed and helped with the tests firsthand.
If it is LCH, that is causing it, the therapy will be much more aggressive. The chemo will be more potent, causing riskier and more painful side effects. She is already a radiation bomb ready to go off! According to the doctor, because she is in her sixth week of chemo treatment, she should not be experiencing these symptoms if she is in remission. Unfortunately, with LCH, if a patient doesn’t enter soon, the chances of survival are less likely.
On the hand, we are hoping that is a virus or an infection. If it is, we get to continue with antibiotics and intensive care and she will be fine—figuratively speaking. According to science and medicine, in my opinion, the diagnosis is pointing to LCH. But that is not what we want. Haley and I are going to start a fast. We are not sure what to fast for. My first thought was to fast that she has an infection or a virus. (I never thought I would fast for that reason.)
If anyone has any inspiration intuition, please share. I also think it would be great to fast for Amber and her situation. No, not her marriage to Jake . She has been afflicted with passing kidney stones and it is extremely painful.
This situation reminds me of tough man tournaments. You know you have to step into the ring and fight, but you don’t know who you are going to fight. It could be the 6’ 6” 250 pounder with years of fighting, or it could be the 150 pounder who’s friends talked him into entering the competition. So yes, I am fearful of who our opponent is. I feel like I am sitting in the locker room waiting for my opponents name to be drawn. I guess this is a moment in life you hope you have trained well for. As I’m sitting here typing this into my phone, I am wondering if I am prepared to fight the 6’ 6” opponent. Is my faith, patience, charity, belief, and hope sufficient? Have I honored my Priesthood and am I worthy to commune on a Divine level? What do I know about the Atonement? Can I access it on a level sufficient to help Arianna bear what may be ahead of her? Is my relationship with God and Christ enough to call upon the powers of Heaven for comfort and support for Arianna to endure what challenge may come.
However, my mind cannot rest from the thought of what if Arianna does not make it? Was I as her father prepared spiritually, physically, emotionally, and intellectually enough to do all I could to help her? And, did I give her the love and care that she needed while she lived her short two years on this earth? I guess those are good questions regardless Arianna’s situation. Questions I should ask myself about Haley, Kaley, Taylor, and Laney. And, all of the people I love.
I want to back up a little and explain to those, who perhaps don’t know how we ended up back in the hospital with Ari. After Kaley's birthday, we stayed in Mt. Pleasant until her Monday appointment. We got to her appointment at 11 and everything went pretty smooth. She received her chemo and a transfusion.
We left at about 5:40. At about 6:00, she had a hard time breathing. Her breathing was like someone getting ready to have a baby. She also got a fever. She would grab a hold of me with her little fist and scream out in pain. If you know her, you know that she never cries or screams even when she is a ton of pain. We gave her some oxycodine and it didn't ease the pain at all.
We called Primary Children’s and they told us that even though we were only 30 miles away to just go to the nearest emergency room. We ended up at Alta Hospital. They checked her vitals, which weren't good. But, they were pretty much at a loss on what to do about this “black hole” of a baby. They suggested we put her in an ambulance and send her up to Primary Children’s. They said that it would take about 15 minutes to get their ambulance ready. This seemed crazy to me. Or, they said we could try taking her ourselves. That is what we did.
Thankfully, Jeremy came and got our other kids. We went about 90 miles an hour and made it in about 15 minutes. When we got there, they did about 20 different tests and x-rays. Of course, everything came back negative. They gave her morphine for her pain. It helped a little. At one point her heart rate was 204. Now we are back to living at the hospital. Her condition is such a mystery.
I think Travis is amazing. He is definitely a super hero to me. We really do have so much support. Today Ammon and Hayley drove all the way up to see us. They brought me some much needed stuff and saved me a trip. They also brought Ari some really cute Dora stuff. On the movie they bought her, the princess’ name is Arianna. I don't even think they knew that when they got it. They also brought some stuff for her to color. She has been into crafts lately. She loves painting. Another thing she loves is a song called “10 Snowmen Learn to Read.” It is on a web site called Starfall. I love this website. We finally taught her how to push the button to play the song so we don’t have to do it every 10 seconds, hours on end. She holds her fingers up and waves them back and forth and laughs, it is so cute.
Josh and Joni Jones have also brought in delicious meals to us. We enjoy seeing and visiting them. They are great friends. The Kids are enjoying being at Aunt Bobbi's. She has made it quite fun for them. I seriously don't know what we would do without all their aunts and uncles. Thanks so much to everyone.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Knowing how weak and fragile little Arianna is, we miss the obvious that her life has been one of great significance. In the past few months, her story has touched hundreds if not thousands of people. Her purpose has brought about change in the lives of so many. Like the ripple in a pond, she gentle touches the shoulder of everyone who visits her blog and reads her story. Even now, as you read these words, there is a sweet spirit that surrounds you, softens your heart, and inspires you to be a better person. It's a miracle. This little girl, who has no idea that so many people are following her story. Is changing the world, one heart at a time. Hasn't she already changed your heart?
It is evident that her immediate family has been blessed by her spirit, her strength, and her power. You can read the words of her parents and their inspiring stories on this blog. I want to share some links to others who have been inspired by Ari's story and that in turn, have inspired me. How much joy my heart feels knowing she is, in a sense, serving a mission for the Lord by changing people's lives. I hope these inspire you too:
Kayla Lamoreaux (Travis' cousin) Wondering
Vicki Lane Taylor (Travis' sister) Do You Ever Wonder?
Amber Coates Lane (Travis' sister-in-law) Travis and Haley's Inspiration
This is not specifically about Ari, but it certainly is worth reading and well spoken:
Press On Here's a preview of that article:
There is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.
I have lived long enough to experience firsthand many of the challenges of life. I have known exceptional people who have endured severe trials while others, at least on the surface, seem to have lived charmed lives.
Often those who struggle with adversity ask the question “Why did this happen to me?” They spend sleepless nights wondering why they feel so lonely, sick, discouraged, oppressed, or brokenhearted.
The question “Why me?” can be a difficult one to answer and often leads to frustration and despair. There is a better question to ask ourselves. That question is “What could I learn from this experience?”
The way we answer that question may determine the quality of our lives not only on this earth but also in the eternities to come. Though our trials are diverse, there is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.
Continued at: Press On
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I wonder what this financial challenge and Ari’s challenge is for what purpose? I often ponder searching for an answer but find myself confused and question the power of God. But then I step back and realize that these experiences are for my own good and I realize that I have learned so much from them, my relationship with my wife and kids have grown, my gratitude for life and health have increased, my love for family and appreciation for those relationships have deeply awaken a better understanding of God’s plan. I then realize that these experiences are a great blessing from God and I feel privileged for the opportunity that he has allowed me to take part of them. I anxiously gather everything I feel like I have learned and with a joyful and grateful attitude I try to go back out there and make the best of the situation. Knowing, with no doubt that God knows and understands and I find comfort that God is in charge orchestrating such a divine occasion. I then feel embarrassed for doubting the power of God and the atonement. I then realize my role is simple. It’s the basics, have charity, have faith, have a good attitude, continue to learn, continue to be grateful, and most important endure the trial and never give up hope.
Dad I really want to thank you for all you’re doing to help with such a business disaster right now. Your handling matters that make me cringe, I am so grateful for you and you may not know how much you’re helping me right now thank you.
(Mom) thank you for the many endless nights of support and the miles that we physically put in together in the beginning of Ari’s journey and thank you for supporting Dad with the business challenges we have right now.
(Dona) thank you so much for taking care of our kids and getting them in school. I wish we would have left them in, but I guess…..What do they say about hindsight?
(Liz) thank you for the blog it has allowed a lot of people to remain updated. You not only have kept them updated but with your gift of writing you’ve allowed it to be inspirational and entertaining.
(Vicki) thank you for your example of positivity and endurance. You’ve always demonstrated those two attributes our whole lives. You’ve always been an example to me of being positive and never giving up.
(Bobbi) thank you for your support even showing up at the hospital and no one was there. LOL. Thank you for taking the kids, coming and getting them from Alta emergency room and for caring for them like their own mother.
(Jaymi) thank you for the many endless nights at the hospital. For all the many trips you have made to haul kids.
(Taylor) thank you for being you. I don’t know if you know but Ari’s in the hospital. LOL (“when the freak did we get ice-cream?”) thank you Taylor for letting me tease and make fun of you!
(Brian) thank you for your silent support when I speak with you I feel such a love and concern not only for Ari but for me and Haley as well.
(Jake) thank you for many endless nights at the hospital of so much support and sleeping on couches and always physically being here for support.
(Amber) thank you for so many dinners you have brought. Your food is so good. Your support to Haley has been very helpful. You’ve always just shown up out of the blue just waiting to see if there is anything you can help with.
(Kim) thank you for dressing up Kaylor and sending us pictures of her. She is beautiful.
(Lorri) thank you so much for all you have done there is no doubt that if there is anyone that Haley and I can rely on to receive any kind of help from it is you. You are so non judgemental and your endlessly supportive of anything we do, willing to endure with a humble and grateful attitude. I am also grateful for the strength that Haley gets from you.
(Haley) I don’t have words to express my gratitude for you. Your example of faith and humility are not human. You never give up, you’re always grateful. I am so impressed by the way you’re in tuned to what Arianna needs medically and emotionally. The way you took charge the other day when Arianna was vomiting and having convulsions. You gave orders to the doctors and it was your mother’s intuition that saved Arianna. I find it very important to give gratitude to people and God. I feel like when I recognize my blessings and give thanks for them for some reason burdens are alleviated.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
She has thrown up went into a small convulsion and she is now passed out. Her sodium is so high its life threatening. If its like past times she will pull out.
Tuesday, October 13, 9:20 am
If not, she won't make it. The good thing is she is out and incoherent (finally resting).
Tuesday, October 13, 9:27 am
Its so sad but also relieving. Because she appears to finally be out of pain. She looks dead but the monitors indicate otherwise.
Tuesday, October 13, 10:20 am
She is awake. She came out of it with a very large hunger. I am so impressed with Haley, she was telling the doctors what we need to do and they followed orders.
From Travis at 10:58 pm on Monday, October 12
They just gave her morphine for the pain. The pain is at least 5x more than I've seen her go through.
From Vicki at 11:16 pm on Monday, October 12
They had to transport Ari to Primary Children's. Alto said it was too complicated for them to handle. Travis said she is in so much pain that they finally gave her morphine. And they are x-raying her stomach because that's where they think the pain is coming from.
From Travis at 11:27 pm on Monday, October 12
The morphine doesn't seem to help much.
Monday, October 12, 2009
By Haley Lane
I should have known my first testimony meeting after coming home from the hospital would be emotional. The Bradshaw side of me just bawls like a baby. No matter what, when we are all together, if my Dad starts crying we all go down. It is pretty bad. I can never say all I want to, when I start out crying.
Today I felt that I had to get up and publicly thank my Father in Heaven for his love and letting us keep our little girl. I truly know I am loved. I am so grateful for the Savior and The Atonement. I am grateful for the knowledge that He suffered all my pains, not just the pains of sin and repentance but also pains of sorrow and trials. He truly does make our burdens lighter. He will never leave us. I am grateful for my trials because I know they make my marriage stronger, my family stronger, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior stronger.
I think there are two types of trials: one that bring you closer to Christ; and ones that you let take you away. Hopefully, we can take every trial we have as an opportunity to bring us closer to Christ.
Jay also got up and bore his testimony. Like my Dad, he has a really strong testimony. One thing he said that I completely agree with, is knowing how bad you can miss Sacrament meeting when you don't have the opportunity to go. Jay said that in Africa they called for permission to administer their own sacrament because there was no organized branch or ward in their area. I feel the same way. I love gong to church. I always have. I feel that it renews me and helps me get through life. I am so grateful for the gospel and being able to take the Sacrament. After not being able to go to church, for whatever reason I start to crave it so bad. It is like a big part of me is missing.
Corey also got up and bore his testimony. He got my tears falling all over again. He is an amazing person. I am so grateful for all my family and blessings. I am so grateful for each of my beautiful kids. The scripture about having joy in your posterity is so true. My kids really do fill my life with joy. I am so grateful for Travis. I try to Thank Heavenly Father for him every day. My hope is that if I am grateful for the most amazing husband, Father, and best friend anyone could ever have, I will deserve to keep him forever. My goal in being a good wife is to treat him half as good as he treats me. I love him so much. Like I always say, "I really am spoiled."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Written by Haley Lane
Monday was our appointment at Primary's hospital. Ari usually gets her chemo and maybe a blood transfusion. About 45 min from the hospital Ari vomited this dark brown stuff. later we found out it was dry blood. By the time we got to hospital her fever was 104, so they admitted her. That day her DDAVP didn't work and when that happens she gets dehydrated and drinks and pees like crazy. Within 2 hours she was completely dehydrated and vomiting every few minutes.
She started getting really lethargic. I help her up to through up and she just flopped, her head going straight in her lap. So we got the doctor there and they were tapping her chest saying her name trying to get her to come out of it. It scared me half t death. She had never acted like this before. If ever we have something new come along.
They checked her sodium and it was 172 so they checked it 4 more times. Both the doctors there had not seen any ones that high. they were actually really surprised how well she was doing. I can't imagine what would be worse. They rushed her down to intensive care and started pumping her with all kinds of stuff. She pulled out of it and I was thinking how terrified I would have been if I had been at home. So I am grateful it all happened while we were up here. Heavenly Father was watching out for us again. We were very lucky.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I can't believe how much endurance Haley seems to have. She seems so sweet, guileless, and innocent. In first appearances, she doesn't give any hint as to how much strength she possesses. On Saturday, I was telling my husband, Brant, that Haley ran the St. George Marathon today. I said she hadn't even been training and just ran it. He said, "It's not that hard. You just have to put your mind to it."
Yeah, right, I thought. I could not just "put my mind to it." Then, I thought about it more and more. I've thought about it the last couple of days and I realized he was right. She did just "put her mind to it." She has either learned this or comes by it naturally, but she knows how to do that. I think that with Haley, she "puts her spirit to it," then her mind follows, and then her body follows. Now, of course, she has run marathons before and she knows what it takes. But I think she has been able to accomplish any goal she sets because she becomes so determined.
I've realized how many challenges in my life have become obstacles, not because I really can't do them, but because I haven't put my mind to it. I think Haley is such a great example. She said on her blog that as she was running, she kept thinking about what Ari had gone through and how strong she had been. She knew Ari didn't give up and kept fighting. It was from Ari that she drew her strength.
The last mile, Kaley and Taylor ran with her. I think, like in life, when our family runs alongside us, it can give us that extra boost and help us find our way to the finish line. I guess, in life, there are starters, quitters, and finishers. I hope that when it's all said and done I can stand under a banner that reads "Finisher."
To read more about Haley's marathon visit her blog: http://haleylane23.blogspot.com