Sunday, February 27, 2011

Baby Arianna

Arianna came into this world on a Sunday and she left on a Sunday. When she finally came I was about 6 weeks late from what i thought her due date would be. Of course I was a month off. When my water broke I was in walmart. I was just about done shopping after about an hour, so i grabbed some pads and finished up. I am sure the checker was a little freaked out by an open thing off pads, but for me when my water breaks it means the baby should come in the next day or two. I also grabbed some baby girl outfits JUST IN CASE. The entire pregnancy I thought she was a boy. After Alaina's birth and being a watched pot trying to biol. This time I figured I would get a good night sleep and then announce that my water had broken. I did give my mid wife a call just so she could have a heads up. At around noon the next day I started getting harder contractions so that's when we officially started the party. She was born at 5 something. When I was pregnant I had a dream that she just came out no pain or anything and I have to say that was pretty close. she was by far my easiest labor. The only complication was i didn't have very hard contraction so my uterus had a hard time contracting So I bled quite a bit. It was my longest recovery. I couldn't sit up for three days. I had a lot of time to enjoy my new baby. When she came we kept swaying how cute he was. Then we got the surprise of our lives, a beautiful baby girl!! She was Taylor's little twin. I know the other kids won't mind me saying this, she was our most beautiful baby and little girl. She had the biggest eyes. She loved hearing stories about herself especially when Travis would tell them. Us thinking she was a boy was her favorite story. This is just the beginning of random blogs. I want to right down every memory I have of her.
Hi Haley
Just wanted to say I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful little girl. I had been following your story on Facebook for a while hoping against hope that she would make it through this terrible disease. I read your blog last night and I was so moved. I had tears streaming down my face, tears for Ari, tears for you and your family, and tears probably also for me and my daughter who died after BMT for HLH in July at just 22 months.
Little Ari sounded like the sweetest, bravest and most beautiful little child. I am heartbroken for you all. There are so many parallels with your experience and ours...
I know nothing I say will help take the pain the away but if you ever need to talk to another mum, just write.
Wishing you and your family lots of love Kelly xx (from London, UK)

A letter from Marcus

Dear Travis, Haley, and the family this is Marcus Lane, I wanted to see how you are doing. If you don’t remember me I am Eric and Ingers oldest son about to go on a mission. I hope that you guys are doing great. I want to thank you for saturday and the words expressed. I feel like I am new person after going to Ari’s Service. When I first got there for the viewing and when i saw her beautiful face I started to cry. The spirit in that room was strong. It was almost unbearable. Even though Ari lived for a short time on this earth she set an amazing example for all of us to follow. After the service as I was driving home all I could think about is how can I live like Ari and be in tune with the spirit.I also thought about Ari’s life and what she had to overcome. That saturday night I was unable to sleep at all. I thought a lot about how selfless Ari was, she cared about other people and as Travis said she would say everything is perfect even when she was in pain. She lived a life very similar to how our savior lived his life by caring for others around her and showing unconditional love because of the greatness and impact her live has been for me I have made a promise to myself, Heavenly Father and the Savior for the rest of my life and for eternity I will try to live like Ari and follow in her footsteps and be strong even when the world is telling me not to. I have never been more comfortable about going on a mission since saturday. What few know about me is that I was suppose to serve a mission in Omaha, Nebraska when I was 19. I was in the MTC for 4 days and on the second day I started to freak out because I missed family, home, the daily easy routine I had back at home. I tried to escape from the MTC on the third day but found the phycologist instead. He tried to get me to stay but I felt so home sick that I ended up leaving on that saturday. When I came home I told everyone that I might go back and serve a mission when I am more mature. In my mind I dreaded the MTC and a mission. I associated so much negativity to a mission that I never wanted to go on one. About 1 year and 6 months later I went to sweden expecting to stay there for 5 years to finish college. A little before my first semester ended I told my dad and my family that I wanted to serve a mission. I came back home about three weeks ago and am currently finishing my papers. The reason why I am bringing this up is because the day before I went to Ari’s service I really had a lot of doubts about a mission and I wasn’t sure I would be able to serve. After seeing your wonderful family and Ari I know that everything is going to be fine. I cannot even begin to understand how much your family had to go through. I want you to know that you are the best parents that Ari has. I also know that Ari is so proud to be your daughter. Thank you so much for everything. When I go and serve a mission I will put Ari and Uncle Scott in my mind and live like they lived. I want to thank you again for allowing me to find the perfect role model in my life that I will try to live up to. I am keeping you in my prayers. If your family ever needs anything let me know and I don’t mind at all driving up to Utah.
Take care Marcus LANE

Thank you so much Marcus. Your letter ment so much to me. Ari was by far the most strongest amazing spirit I have ever known. Why I was the lucky one to be her Mom I'm not sure. but I feel truely blessed. Knowing her life could touch others makes me so happy. We love you and wish you luck with every thing. Thank you so much

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A letter from one of Arianna's nurses

Dear Travis and Haley
I don't know how I can express my feeling to your family especially in English, but I really wanted to write a note to thank you for a great example you showed me.
You showed me how to fight or to do the best you can for all the possible way without giving up. And Arianna showed me to do the same, and to do it for not for herself but for whom she loved the most. She taught me that you can do more than your ability when you do it for others. You two also showed me that illness cannot destroy family or love! Even though you have went through so much, you showed your smiles for me all the time. Thank you for sharing her stories about "not running away from the hospital" and "even she said no more that she said she she will do it for Mommy ... I was so touch with her love to you and your love to her! Last Thursday when I came in to arianna's room to help with syringe pumps, I saw her trying to hold on. I wanted to come to her bedside to kneel down to hold her and cheer her up, but also I was so afraid that i may cry. So instead I told haley about putting Arianna's name in the bountiful temple... I wish I held her that time... I didn't know that it would be the last time for me to see her... Now I really need to try to live better if I want to see her again. That Thursday night I went home and just prayed for Arianna and your family's comfort. I know that angels are with her and you all the way through. Thank you again for letting me be a part of your special life. Arianna and you have taught me through your actions more than anything else. Hope you can understand my Japanese English. May the Lord's special blessings are with you family. Sincerely Tomoko

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Memories of Ari

She would say Hold me mom hold me in Her little Muppet chipmunk voice. Then she would say arm so she could be rapped in my arm. Her favorite place in the world. She was daddy s puppy and mommy kitty. She loved coke. But she called it daddy's drink. And she could tell if it was out of can or fountain. She was truly a lane that way. When she got herpes really bad and couldn't eat the only thing that made her mouth feel better was coke. And that's what started her addiction. Still her favorite thing was water. It brought her comfort. In the end even when she couldn't have that much she still wanted a to hold a glass of ice water just like you would a stuffed animal.

How when she would poop. The smell would kill her and me and kaley she would hang out her tung and say ehh. She cracked me up.
Every time i would take a shower at home as soon as i opened the door she would be there. A lot of the time she would scare me. I miss watching her little naked hiney running down the hall. We would say i see your hiney all white and shiney. If you dont hide it I'm going bite it. She would hide it say "not my hiney.
one time heading home she started singing,"I go see my friends. My Kaley friend my Taylor Friend, my Laney friend." It was so cute. She had a beautiful voice. You would catch her singing all the time.

Her Favorite foods were Beans and Cafe rio. At the hospital they would call her the cafe rio baby. She loved baby oranges and baby cheese. She also loved star burst.

My Hero

Arianna is my Hero. She has done some of the most amazing things. And she has done them with a smile on her face.

I wanted to rite down some of the things that she has taught me or that her journey has taught me. First she has taught me how you can do anything out of love. She has taught me not to be a wimp. She has taught me life is short spend it on the important things, The most important one holding and loving your children. I have learned how important the gospel is to me. How Heavenly Father is always there for you. She has taught me to be happy no matter what and spread that happiness. She has taught me not to whine or complain. I have learned that our bodies are a gift and a miracle. She has taught me to trust in the Lord, Travis, and my children. She has taught me i need to protect my children. She has taught me to love unconditionally and to have faith. And to always be Happy.

letter to God

Dear God
Thank you so much for this beautiful little angel. I understand that she is yours just like we all our. I wanted to thank you so much for choosing our family for this short time on earth. All the sorrow in my heart is completely from being selfish.
I will miss her terribly. She means so much to me and I love her so much. Please help her to be strong and not be scared. Please let me feel her from time to time. Help her know how much we love her and were sorry for not being the best parents in the world. Thank you for hope and love and faith. I know you will take care of all of us. I love you