Arianna Lane

In Memory of our Angel Arianna

2011-11-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

As these amazing children live in the hospital for monthes somtimes years at a time. Our last stay there we met a little girl setting the record she would be there for over 18 monthes. Somtimes never allowed to leave there rooms. Somtime like in Ari's case live there last precios months in the hospital. Enduring pain, sadness, and being lonly, missing family and friends. Dealing with surgies and being poked again and again. Every time we would hear a baby cry Ari would say, "they poked that baby huh Mom". It is a very hard life for these children.

There are things that would make there day, Like when dog therapy would come by, bingo every week, music day, and of course child life. Somtimes after going through a lot they would give Ari little gifts. She loved them it helped the time pass and would lift her spirits.

So I wanted to donate things that I think she would enjoy. She of course had her favorites, these are the ideas we came up with.

I need to get better pictures. I have made about 100 of them. They are really cute on. Of course lilly would not hold still and let me take her picture. I am also doing capes for the boys one side is superman and the other is batman. Once I get pictures I will get them posted.

every little memory

2011-05-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

The last time the kids saw Ari. Some random doctor for all I know she could have been an angel Said, "yes Ari could go out and see the kids." Witch of course they don't let you do. She was So exited we all laughed. We told the story of this puppy that stole a kiss from Ari a few days ago she laughed and said, "yep yep". It was a wonderful moment and I am so glad we had it.

Her first smile was three days old and every day since. She was the happiest little girl. She loved to dance and sing. She loved to swim. I remember taking her to the rec center when she was just a baby. She loved this little swing they have there. Going to grandma's funeral at 5 weeks old getting pulled off the bed along with all the bedding in the motterhome.

All our trips in the car. She loved going on rides with Dad and getting food.

I love how she would pretend to be asleep so the nurses wouldn't mess with her.

the day we caught some freaky virus and we were alone I got such a fever the next day I had fever blisters in my eyelids there wasn't much I could do. So I just held her sang to her and prayed for help.

I have to say ironically she was my healthiest pregnancy and easiest birth. When she came out we had the biggest surprise of our lives. We were expecting a boy and she looked so much like her brother that for about 5 min we kept saying how cute he is. Then Lisa our midwife said " I think you should take a look at this." We laughed so hard. Of course we were thrilled to have such a beautiful baby girl.

A little about ari
Her cheesser is one of my favorite things. When we would do family pictueres we always make sure we all do a cheesier just like Ari. She is so funny. She loves making you laugh. She loves kitties and puppies. She is my kitty cat and daddy s puppy. The reason she is Mom'y kitty is because I would stroke her hair and she would shed just like a kitty cat. She actually loved that her hair was falling out because she loved being just like a kitty. She would do tricks just like the puppy's she met in the hospital her favorite was to bark and i would give her a treat. Her treat was these little baby cheeses she got her first one in out patient.

Her favorite book is I'm trying to be like Jesus. She loved the page that showed a litlle girl holding a baby. That was her holding Krysta lilly. She loves strawberry shortcake. She is strawberry shortcake. I am orange, Alaina is rasberry, Kaley is lemon merain, Cassidy is grape, Lorrianna is blueberry and Lilly is the queen of the berrykins. The song at the beginging is our favorite and she would always make sure we were both wautching at that part and sing along. part of the song goes'" We like what we do we do what we like don't we have a very nice life." Beleive me we had the hole movie memorized. She went through a Dora stage. Dora the mermaid to be exact.

She loves sleeping in moms arm and before Lilly came she wouldn't let me leave her side. She was always really cuddly until it started getting pretty painful to touch her. And even though She didn't like to be stroked she would stroke my arm or my face and I loved it.

She liked singing and dancing. She has such a beautiful voice. She would always sing its rainy its pouring. One day we were coming home from salt lake and she started singing, " I go see my friends my Kaley friend my Taylor friend my Laney friend. I go see my friends. She loved her family and we were her best friends. She also
loved her uncle Joe.

She like to be read to and she like starfall. Her Favorite was the friend and curios George. My cousin Tracy came to visit one day and said he had a strong feeling to go buy curios George books and bring them to Ari. We read each one over 50 times, but our favorite one was curios George eats pancakes. That silly monkey. When we went to curious George in the theater Ari reminded us of that adorable monkey. I am so grateful he followed that prompting.

her favorite songs were of course trying to be like Jesus, baby mine, and twinkle twinkle little star. we had fun playing the song yanke doodle went to town and little zig zag girl.

She loved all her blankets.

She loves water in any shape and form. Her and Travis went to fill up all 25 five gallon buckets one time and you would have thought she went to Disney land. When her di would run out she loved just being in the tub drinking and peeing.

She loved green gummy bears.

she has to watch when she would get anything done. You have to say one two three. She is very brave and amazing. oh don't forget no bumping every time she would take a drink in the car. she loves going for walks sometimes for about 5 hours at a time. She also loves making us laugh and she thinks her dad is the funniest person alive.

2011-03-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

When we decided to do bone marrow actually when I decided. Travis didn't want to and neither did she. I just thought Why would Laney be a complete match. Why would her heart be better. The day she got bone marrow I was so exited. I would get so sad thinking about just staying home and letting her die and I was so happy thinking some day we will be going through the temple or some day we will be watching her be baptized. For the first few days I hit heads with bone marrow team really bad. I was so stressed my milk dried up completely, poor Lilly was starving for a few days.

Every time I have been upset in my life I try to take a few moments to pray that my hart will be softened or that I can say the thing I need to say.
I feel it is amazing and works every time. About 98% of the time my hart is soften and I can see that it is me that needs to change and ask for forgiveness. This was not one of those times. I couldn't eat or sleep. The next morning We had a great talk or lashing. I think Ari was quite proud of me. It is hard for me to be confrontational and sometimes that means not standing up for what is right. I know it is a weakness and I'm sure it will take my a while to overcome it. I wish I would have left with her right then and been done with bone marrow. It was pretty much torture. Ari would always say why Mommy why. I am sorry throughout this life she had to put up with so much.

I'm so glad we broke the rules and let Kaley be there with us. It meant so much to Ari and was the happiest moments of the last month of her life. They would have so much fun doing crafts and playing bingo and hungry hippo, singing, dancing, playing with toys, and looking out the window for babies.

There were a few days when I feel she could have died and I would have had no regrets. There was one day I read to her all day and we played star fall all day I wouldn't even eat because i didn't want to leave her. That would have been a good day. One day we almost lost her and after crying my eyes out and being so afraid she wasn't going to make it I said, "We are done with this. You are going to make it. We are just going to start living life as if your going to make it. After that I started pushing her to walk and other things. The bone marrow grafted and she was doing great. The doctor's told us we should be going home in about a week. At that time it was just me and Ari. They made Kaley and Lilly go home. I started leaving her more to eat. I even exersized twice. This is not like me. normally no matter what I would just stay there with her. I don't know if this needed to happen in order for her to let go of me and be willing to go with father in heaven or what. I still have a hard time with why I started to do this, She would ask me to stay and hold her she would ask why Mommy why? and give me this look that will haunt me for years to come. I know she knew and was trying to tell me and I was to afraid to listen. When she got her virus I was still in denial. I said to her are you done. She looked at me with this look of exitment like I can be done. I know she was thinking leaving and I was thinking staying and getting better. I think her being such a fighter through me off.
I said okay Mom will start a fast and I won't eat until you can eat and are better. That night I got a headache she said Mommy I want to eat and I know she didn't, she just could tell i wasn't felling very good and wanted me to eat and feel better this coming from a little girl with a major fever but not being able to take Tylenol because her liver was so bad, her heart rate in the 200's, on a morphine drip that she would keep pushing the button non stop because of the pain, and having a hard time breathing, vomiting and not wanting to move because of pain. Here she is worried about me. All night I kept asking her if she was okay and she would say yes because she wanted me to sleep. That was my last day I would have had a chance to say good bye with her being coherent and I was so determined she was going to make it that I didn't take it.

The morning before she died I knew that the reason it happened the way it did was for me to learn a lesson, That morning I had my come to Jesus realized what I was supposed to learn and then she could go. One time Travis was asking why she couldn't be done yet and the impression he got was because Haley needs to learn something. She asked me numerous times Why Mommy why and I know every time no matter what I said she would be ok with it because it was for me that she was being tortured. It reminded me of the savior in Gethsemane asking to remove this cup never the less thy will be done. The things we do for love.

After that I went to Travis and told him what happened. I told him she was done and no longer needed to stay. We prayed together and had the most comforting feeling ever I know she was there with us. Her death was beautiful. She died in my arms and I felt every last heart beat. It is amazing how attached we are to these beautiful temporal bodies. I am so glad I had this last 2 years to lay with her and feel of her amazing spirit. She is the most amazing person I will ever know. I bore my testimony of how I feel that I have been happy and spiritually strong for 2 years only because of her amazing spirit. I feel like A little kid that grows up having a testimony because there parents do and now I have to stand on my own two feet. I will miss her every day. And I can't wait to see her again.

Baby Arianna

2011-02-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

Arianna came into this world on a Sunday and she left on a Sunday. When she finally came I was about 6 weeks late from what i thought her due date would be. Of course I was a month off. When my water broke I was in walmart. I was just about done shopping after about an hour, so i grabbed some pads and finished up. I am sure the checker was a little freaked out by an open thing off pads, but for me when my water breaks it means the baby should come in the next day or two. I also grabbed some baby girl outfits JUST IN CASE. The entire pregnancy I thought she was a boy. After Alaina's birth and being a watched pot trying to biol. This time I figured I would get a good night sleep and then announce that my water had broken. I did give my mid wife a call just so she could have a heads up. At around noon the next day I started getting harder contractions so that's when we officially started the party. She was born at 5 something. When I was pregnant I had a dream that she just came out no pain or anything and I have to say that was pretty close. she was by far my easiest labor. The only complication was i didn't have very hard contraction so my uterus had a hard time contracting So I bled quite a bit. It was my longest recovery. I couldn't sit up for three days. I had a lot of time to enjoy my new baby. When she came we kept swaying how cute he was. Then we got the surprise of our lives, a beautiful baby girl!! She was Taylor's little twin. I know the other kids won't mind me saying this, she was our most beautiful baby and little girl. She had the biggest eyes. She loved hearing stories about herself especially when Travis would tell them. Us thinking she was a boy was her favorite story. This is just the beginning of random blogs. I want to right down every memory I have of her.

2011-02-27T09:05:00.000-08:00

Hi Haley
Just wanted to say I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful little girl. I had been following your story on Facebook for a while hoping against hope that she would make it through this terrible disease. I read your blog last night and I was so moved. I had tears streaming down my face, tears for Ari, tears for you and your family, and tears probably also for me and my daughter who died after BMT for HLH in July at just 22 months.
Little Ari sounded like the sweetest, bravest and most beautiful little child. I am heartbroken for you all. There are so many parallels with your experience and ours...
I know nothing I say will help take the pain the away but if you ever need to talk to another mum, just write.
Wishing you and your family lots of love Kelly xx (from London, UK)

A letter from Marcus

2011-02-27T08:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Travis, Haley, and the family this is Marcus Lane, I wanted to see how you are doing. If you don’t remember me I am Eric and Ingers oldest son about to go on a mission. I hope that you guys are doing great. I want to thank you for saturday and the words expressed. I feel like I am new person after going to Ari’s Service. When I first got there for the viewing and when i saw her beautiful face I started to cry. The spirit in that room was strong. It was almost unbearable. Even though Ari lived for a short time on this earth she set an amazing example for all of us to follow. After the service as I was driving home all I could think about is how can I live like Ari and be in tune with the spirit.I also thought about Ari’s life and what she had to overcome. That saturday night I was unable to sleep at all. I thought a lot about how selfless Ari was, she cared about other people and as Travis said she would say everything is perfect even when she was in pain. She lived a life very similar to how our savior lived his life by caring for others around her and showing unconditional love because of the greatness and impact her live has been for me I have made a promise to myself, Heavenly Father and the Savior for the rest of my life and for eternity I will try to live like Ari and follow in her footsteps and be strong even when the world is telling me not to. I have never been more comfortable about going on a mission since saturday. What few know about me is that I was suppose to serve a mission in Omaha, Nebraska when I was 19. I was in the MTC for 4 days and on the second day I started to freak out because I missed family, home, the daily easy routine I had back at home. I tried to escape from the MTC on the third day but found the phycologist instead. He tried to get me to stay but I felt so home sick that I ended up leaving on that saturday. When I came home I told everyone that I might go back and serve a mission when I am more mature. In my mind I dreaded the MTC and a mission. I associated so much negativity to a mission that I never wanted to go on one. About 1 year and 6 months later I went to sweden expecting to stay there for 5 years to finish college. A little before my first semester ended I told my dad and my family that I wanted to serve a mission. I came back home about three weeks ago and am currently finishing my papers. The reason why I am bringing this up is because the day before I went to Ari’s service I really had a lot of doubts about a mission and I wasn’t sure I would be able to serve. After seeing your wonderful family and Ari I know that everything is going to be fine. I cannot even begin to understand how much your family had to go through. I want you to know that you are the best parents that Ari has. I also know that Ari is so proud to be your daughter. Thank you so much for everything. When I go and serve a mission I will put Ari and Uncle Scott in my mind and live like they lived. I want to thank you again for allowing me to find the perfect role model in my life that I will try to live up to. I am keeping you in my prayers. If your family ever needs anything let me know and I don’t mind at all driving up to Utah.
Take care Marcus LANE

Thank you so much Marcus. Your letter ment so much to me. Ari was by far the most strongest amazing spirit I have ever known. Why I was the lucky one to be her Mom I'm not sure. but I feel truely blessed. Knowing her life could touch others makes me so happy. We love you and wish you luck with every thing. Thank you so much

A letter from one of Arianna's nurses

2011-02-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Travis and Haley
I don't know how I can express my feeling to your family especially in English, but I really wanted to write a note to thank you for a great example you showed me.
You showed me how to fight or to do the best you can for all the possible way without giving up. And Arianna showed me to do the same, and to do it for not for herself but for whom she loved the most. She taught me that you can do more than your ability when you do it for others. You two also showed me that illness cannot destroy family or love! Even though you have went through so much, you showed your smiles for me all the time. Thank you for sharing her stories about "not running away from the hospital" and "even she said no more that she said she she will do it for Mommy ... I was so touch with her love to you and your love to her! Last Thursday when I came in to arianna's room to help with syringe pumps, I saw her trying to hold on. I wanted to come to her bedside to kneel down to hold her and cheer her up, but also I was so afraid that i may cry. So instead I told haley about putting Arianna's name in the bountiful temple... I wish I held her that time... I didn't know that it would be the last time for me to see her... Now I really need to try to live better if I want to see her again. That Thursday night I went home and just prayed for Arianna and your family's comfort. I know that angels are with her and you all the way through. Thank you again for letting me be a part of your special life. Arianna and you have taught me through your actions more than anything else. Hope you can understand my Japanese English. May the Lord's special blessings are with you family. Sincerely Tomoko

Memories of Ari

2011-02-08T10:34:00.002-08:00

She would say Hold me mom hold me in Her little Muppet chipmunk voice. Then she would say arm so she could be rapped in my arm. Her favorite place in the world. She was daddy s puppy and mommy kitty. She loved coke. But she called it daddy's drink. And she could tell if it was out of can or fountain. She was truly a lane that way. When she got herpes really bad and couldn't eat the only thing that made her mouth feel better was coke. And that's what started her addiction. Still her favorite thing was water. It brought her comfort. In the end even when she couldn't have that much she still wanted a to hold a glass of ice water just like you would a stuffed animal.

How when she would poop. The smell would kill her and me and kaley she would hang out her tung and say ehh. She cracked me up.
Every time i would take a shower at home as soon as i opened the door she would be there. A lot of the time she would scare me. I miss watching her little naked hiney running down the hall. We would say i see your hiney all white and shiney. If you dont hide it I'm going bite it. She would hide it say "not my hiney.
one time heading home she started singing,"I go see my friends. My Kaley friend my Taylor Friend, my Laney friend." It was so cute. She had a beautiful voice. You would catch her singing all the time.

Her Favorite foods were Beans and Cafe rio. At the hospital they would call her the cafe rio baby. She loved baby oranges and baby cheese. She also loved star burst.

My Hero

2011-02-08T10:34:00.001-08:00

Arianna is my Hero. She has done some of the most amazing things. And she has done them with a smile on her face.

I wanted to rite down some of the things that she has taught me or that her journey has taught me. First she has taught me how you can do anything out of love. She has taught me not to be a wimp. She has taught me life is short spend it on the important things, The most important one holding and loving your children. I have learned how important the gospel is to me. How Heavenly Father is always there for you. She has taught me to be happy no matter what and spread that happiness. She has taught me not to whine or complain. I have learned that our bodies are a gift and a miracle. She has taught me to trust in the Lord, Travis, and my children. She has taught me i need to protect my children. She has taught me to love unconditionally and to have faith. And to always be Happy.

letter to God

2011-02-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

Dear God
Thank you so much for this beautiful little angel. I understand that she is yours just like we all our. I wanted to thank you so much for choosing our family for this short time on earth. All the sorrow in my heart is completely from being selfish.
I will miss her terribly. She means so much to me and I love her so much. Please help her to be strong and not be scared. Please let me feel her from time to time. Help her know how much we love her and were sorry for not being the best parents in the world. Thank you for hope and love and faith. I know you will take care of all of us. I love you

Ari I Love you!!!

2011-01-23T08:44:00.001-08:00

As I sit her and watch my daughter slip away there are some things I want to tell her first is that I love her unconditionally. That everyone in her life loves her. That i would do anything for her. That she is the strongest most amazing spirit i have ever known. That she is beautiful. That i will miss her. That it will be a miracle if she stays or goes. That her Father in Heaven loves her and is there for her. That her savior loves her. That she will be in good hands. That I want her to be happy. That i wish i could take it all away. That i wish i could hold her. And last is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't trust her and Travis. That I'm sorry she is passing in a hospital instead of at home. That I'm sorry she couldn't spend her last moments in my arms. I'm sorry that she has been tortured her last month here. I'm sorry that she loves me so much and is so obedient that she let us torture her. I'm sorry she couldn't spend more time with her family. And That I hope her and Travis will forgive me.

I know a lot of people will try to tell me it is not my fault and i know it isn't. But it could have been different. She wanted it different and that is why I need to apologize to her. I know that it was supposed to happen this way. But i feel bad because i feel that is was for me to learn certain things and I am sorry that my kids and my husband sometimes suffer for my learning process. But that is life and I know they love me enough to forgive me and put up with it again and again.
I have faith and am grateful for this whole experience and I know it is because Heavenly Father loves me and loves her that everything is happening. I believe she is to pure for this world and am happy for her to not have to deal with things. I have learned that I need to trust my Family and Travis. Trust that he is the priesthood in our family. I trust and know that Heavenly father loves me and will comfort me and will always be there for me. I am grateful to him for all my blessings. Travis sometimes teases me but I truly believe that every thing that happens in our lives is for a reason. And that the Lord is very aware and active in our lives. Thank you every one for all your love, prayers, and fasting. I know that it has helped.

2011-01-22T21:01:00.000-08:00

We are asking every to fast on sunday thank you. we love you all.

2011-01-22T21:00:00.001-08:00

Ari’s Update January 22, 2011
Many of you have been asking me how Ari is doing. I apologize for the delay in responding.

Travis has been in Salt has been texting me updates from the hospital in Salt Lake. I received the following text from him this morning. With his permission I am going to post it:

She is still the same. Her heart has remained strong. They anticipated her heart to fail soon because of all the work to take care of the other organs not Functioning. But her heart has remained strong. My thoughts are; are we prolonging her death having her hooked up to these machines that keep her alive? But in The moment as a parent if she is willing to fight I feel like I have to make the calls to do all we can to help her live. If we disconnected her she would die very rapidly. But how do you pull the plug when she is still fighting. It reminds me of a boxer who is getting killed in the ring but told his corner man "do not throw the towel in no matter what" "I think that was actually a scene on Rocky" then he came back and won. He was willing to die trying.
I believe Ari is Saying the same thing. "do not give up on me because I haven't given up on myself" but as a parent it is the hardest thing to allow to continue. But it is also The hardest thing to "say pull the plug" I guess what you do is trust God and fight right beside her and appreciate the moment that you have to fight with her Win or lose, as a parent I will look back and know that I didn't give up on her, God or myself and regardless of the outcome we will all win.

It reminds me of When Kaleb Pierce showed up at our door back in Highschool in Page with blood coming down the side of his face. He had gotten himself into a fight that was going to require some help. So 4 of us showed up to literally fight 15 plus people and half those boys could bench press small vehicles. But Kaleb went out there and with Zero hesitation of reservation commenced to pick out the biggest boy and convince him he was going to eat him for lunch. I knew all 3 of us were going to have The butt whooping of our lives. Yes I said 3 because the 4th had high tailed it out the other way and left just us 3 and the 3rd guy couldn't whip himself out Of a wet paper bag (as Dad would say) But because Kaleb was willing to go out with such tenacity I had no choice but to fight with him. Well for those of you that have heard The story. You know we walked away glorious. Well now looking back I have to add "Glorious Bastards"
Anyways Haley and I have remained very positive and Supportive of her through the night and Haley has been very encouraging to her. When you have such a little thing fighting so hard with so much faith, I have to Admit watching Ari fight with such faith and strength "It is easy to remain strong, positive and allowing much faith to be put into the Lord." after last night I feel extremely honored to be her father. I have never been so touched and moved by an individual’s example. I never ever would have dreamed it would be by a three year old little girl. Right now I feel no fear, no doubts, patients and full of love and hope. That doesn't mean it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows for us. and it doesn't mean the outcome is Going to be what I want but I do know that God is in control and loves us and that is enough for me. So I am just going to continue to fight right beside her and continue to trust God and endure until the answers arrive.

He sent this picture and wrote, "she is peaceful"

This little girl has been through so much and remains the sweetest little thing. I love her so much.

Happy BMT birhthday

2010-12-23T16:53:00.001-08:00

We are now getting bone marrow. Alaina is setting records for recovery. She gets to be in the room with Arianna. They sang happy BMT birthday to her and is was a lot of fun. We now will celebrate 2 birthdays every year. Every one cheered for both Arianna and Alaina. Laney felt like quite a hero today. The bone marrow looks like a christmas red. I think that is from the oxygen in the blood. Eventually Ari will only have Alaina's blood in her. We are pretty exited because Laney has graet energy and a good imune system.

Liz's song

2010-12-13T12:10:00.001-08:00

It's hard to say goodbye, when we barely said hello
It's the hardest thing I've ever done, I have to let you go
I hold you in my arms, and kiss your angel face
I'm holding on to memories to fill this empty space

I thought I had a lifetime to teach all you need to know
Instead you were the teacher, I needed time to grow
Watch over me from Heaven, my little angel up above
You'll be in my heart forever, there's no greater love

CHORUS:
I'll see you once again
Time will never end
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
Forever we will be
Together through eternity

Travis

2010-12-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

Well I got to thinking the other day that my life is a bit challenging. But then I thought of all the blessings I have and the list seemed to never end. However my mind went back to the picture of Arianna vomiting and convulsing uncontrollably, with tubes in her mouth, nose and lines running into her chest, with numerous other lines on her head, arms and feet to sustain her life. The monitors indicating her heart rate at a dangerous amount her breathing so low that she is requiring a machine to breath for her, her head so swollen that it looks deformed her stomach literally 4x the size it should be due to the disease that has infected her organs and brain.

That is a sad picture for anyone to witness especially as her parent, you want so bad to somehow help her or even take her place. I am safe to say, that is not something a father wants to witnesses his 2 year old daughter going through. However, this morning I am grateful that this is my challenge. Today I read in the Book of Mormon Moroni Chapter 9 and thought how terrible that would be to be a father and have to witness your daughters lives to come to an end in such an evil and horrible way.

Then I thought about the challenge it is to face these investors on a daily bases, it really hurts to know that I have put these people in such a financial wreck, the fear that they have, the negative feelings they have towards me ect. But then I read verse 6 and Mormon was very inspiring in his words. Even as bad as the situation was for him he continued "diligently"

I really want to thank all of you for your prayers, fasting, love and support. It is comforting to know that I have friends and family that care and that are willing to help in anyway that they can. "its just a good feeling to know your not alone"

I really am grateful for my challenges it has given me an opportunity to exercise and increase my faith, hope and to be able to dig deep inside of me and become a better person, by being diligent and never giving up. I am learning that victory and success is not defined by the outcome, that it is defined by the honor and integrity that you fight for and stand for despite the outcome.

Faith

2010-12-08T18:41:00.000-08:00

To me faith is knowing that if you are trying to live your life right God is taking care of you no matter what happens in your life.
So many times in church you hear people talk about how heavenly father protected and blessed them because they were living there life right and paying there tithing. This is so true and I have been protected and blessed so many times for trying to follow the spirit and do what's right. But you hardly ever hear the lord let my little baby get cancer and experience all her pain because we were trying to live our lives right. But I believe having faith means knowing that what ever he has happen in our life along our journey. If we are trying to choose the right it is all a blessing and for our good and benefit. He loves us and knows what we can and can't handle and I am so grateful to him not only for my blessings and protection but for my trials as well and knowing that he will always be there for me.

2010-12-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

bone marrow is a go. Her hart looks better so even though they can't get her disease under control they are going to go ahead. So here we go. We all fasted that if she was meant to be done that her hart would not look better. So we are hopeful.
When we heard about being able to do bone marrow Alaina leaned down to Ari and excitedly said did hear that Ari you don't have to die.

According to Taylor. Alaina has fancy vain and we are lucky she is the match. When we got labs done the nurse said that alaina medieval vain is easy to access. It has less nerve cells so it doesn't hurt very bad and it has great flow.

When we saw the nurse that worked on Alaina she said "that is the nurse that poked me and took my blood, she so nice".

It is official Alaina is crazy. Just teasing. Here she is getting labs.

Family pictures

2010-12-02T17:21:00.000-08:00

I love Hayley and no I'm not talking about myself. My sister is law Hayley is the bomb. She took our family pictures on my birthday. She us so talented. It takes a lot of work to make people 50 plus Pounds over weight look decent. We had so much fun doing them. Ari and Lilly did great they were both really happy. Ari was in a lot of pain, but she was such a sweet hart. Thanks again Hayley.

2010-11-29T17:58:00.000-08:00

We are on our way up to salt lake. Tomorrow should give us a clue to what our future holds. We are fasting and our a little unsure on what to fast for. She says she is done and is in quite a bit of pain. If her hart has been fixed by the medicine then They want to go ahead with bone marrow. The other night I was imagining that she got the bone marrow and it fixed her disease. I have been going through all the pictures of her before the disease and in about 90% of them she is out right laughing. She was such a happy little girl. I took so many pictures of her. Danny said to me one time. You are going to make your other kids feel bad. You are a little crazy about this kid. If it is possible I think I am way more attached to her now. She is my world. I love her so much. Even now with all she is going through she is still pretty Happy.

Tangled

2010-11-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

We took the kids to tangled and we all loved it. Arianna loved it she fell asleep half way through. She sleeps more then she's awake lately. but we all really enjoyed it. We also got all 3 girls little Rapunzel dolls.

2010-11-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened this last few weeks. Ari was getting ready for bone marrow. Alaina was our match, she didn't care that it would hurt, she just was exited to spend some time with Mom. What a sweetie. Anyway this whole last week was spent doing tests. None of them went well. The LCH is in 50% of her bone marrow. Her ct scans showed that all her lesions were getting rapidly bigger and she had quite a few new ones. She has really big ones on her hips so pretty much now we can only lift her by her bum because she is in pain everywhere. To top it all off The chemotherapy has damaged her hart. With all that going on, they said that they can not do bone marrow with her hart damaged. And they don't do bone marrow with her disease so out of control. And there is nothing we can do to get it under control. So here is a hart med will check on her hart in a week. meanwhile we have been trying to get her make a wish together and say our goodbyes. So I called them today and they decided they are just going to try to fix her hart and do it anyway. So we will find out Monday. Poor thing won't be very happy. She is so fed up with hospitals.

Family fast and prayer

2010-11-04T18:36:00.001-07:00

My brother Travis' daughter, Arianna, has been battling LCH for most of her life. She is only 2 years old. My mom sent this out tonight. Please remember their family in your prayers.

___________________

Just an update on Arianna, I just got off the phone with Travis and they are giving Ari another heavy dose of chemo for the next few days. Things are not looking good for her. He says she is in a lot of pain and can't even sit up, it seems you can't touch her anywhere without it being too painful to her. She still has Herpes in her mouth, all through her body and can't eat except through a feeding tube. They cannot do the bone marrow on her because she still has the viruses and the cancer is coming back, which means she is not in remission. It has to be in remission before they can do the bone marrow transplant.

We would like to start a family fast in her behalf tomorrow (Friday) at noon until Sat. at noon if at all possible for those that can. Actually even if some would like to start today or whenever it would work best for you. We are all on different schedules, and I know this is a short notice. We had hoped to do it Sat. for our regularly fast Sunday but feel we need to do it now. We would like the fast to be whatever Heavenly Father's will is and for Ari not to have to suffer anymore; or if she is to be with us to please help her to get better soon. We will faithfully accept His will.

Haley and Travis our prayers are with you and we are so grateful for the great examples you are to all of us. We love you and are with you.

Love,

Mom

DARN HERPES

2010-10-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

When I was in Elementary School sometimes the kids would say "Don't touch her or him they have Herpes" I never really gave it much thought back then of what herpes was, all I know is that it would make the kids cry the ones that were getting the finger pointed at them being accused of having herpes. Everyone would say oooohhh, yucky and grouse!!! I always thought it was mean when kids would say that about the other kids and most of the time it got me into a fight with the mean kids. For those of you that know me that was a common event for me. Little did I know just how brutal herpes could be. Obviously with her lack of Immune system she has had a great challenge combating this virus it has continued to spread and become more violent. The herpes as you can see are very prominent on her lips but, that is just what the eye can see. Her entire mouth was covered with one big herpes cold sore. The herpes had become so infectious that it was covering her teeth, the gums of her mouth had swollen over her teeth and her teeth could not be seen. But, that was not it the herpes continued down her throat through her digestive tract all the way to her rectum and vaginal area. Obviously the pain was very high she stopped eating and even drinking. For a DI patient not to drink causes problems so the constant IV's and feeding tube was a must. When she would go to the bathroom #1 or #2 her body would shake because of the pain. In the beginning she would scream and cry. She would try to hide it from us that she had gone to the bathroom in her diaper because she did not want to have her diaper changed, having her diaper changed was another painful task because of the wiping. So we started spraying her off with the shower hose then allowed her to soak in her bath tub. She would sit in the bath tub for hours and hours. We would have to change the water multiple times to keep it warm for her. We ended up having to put socks on her hands because she would not stop picking at them. The pictures of her on the left in the bath tub was not when she had the herpes. I did not take any pictures of her when she was in the bathtub with herpes. So I put these up instead to show how cute she is in her tub playing with her (buddies) that is what she calls those little toys, they would come with some of her meals. She would sit in that tub for hours. We think because the warm water felt good on her bum and vaginal area. When I would hold her while she was asleep I would put my arm under her head and she would snuggle into my chest. She accustomed her body to not swallow her saliva because of the pain of the contraction in her throat. Well one morning when she woke up I was covered in blood because of the sores on her lips and she was constantly bleeding from the sores in her mouth. It had looked like I was shot by a gun in my chest. When she saw all of the blood on my chest she became very concerned for me and started hugging me trying to console me through my pain well the pain she thought I was experiencing. That is very common of Ari to be so empathetic to others and their comfort or discomfort. When our other kids Kaley, Taylor and Laney went into have their blood drawn to see who would match for the bone marrow transplant, Ari did not want to watch and she was upset that they had to be poked, after-wards all the kids had bandages on them to stop the bleeding. Ari was so upset and she was consoling each one of them giving them hugs and patting their backs. The expressions on her face portrayed pure love and empathy.

PICU

2010-10-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken shortly after Ari was taken to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. Ari and I (Travis) had been alone for several days. Haley was back home in St. George because she was due any day to have our new baby. After the third day my mother came up to be with me. It really takes two people to care of Ari. Ari loves to be held by her mom so much and if Haley is not available then I will have to do. So one job is for one to hold her 24 hours a day and the other is what I call the Gofor.... Go for this and Go for that. They are both challenging roles I have played both roles many times. When you are the Gofor you not only have to take care of all of Ari's demands but you have to take care of Haley's as well because, Ari will not let Haley or me leave her. I have to agree with Haley, when you are laying there holding Ari her strong loving spirit feels mine it is a divine experience to be able to hold such a precious being. Here is the story behind this picture, Ari's condition is very volatile especially at this time it was not unusual for her to taste death 1 to 3 times a day. Let me explain, Ari's heart rate had rose to 228 beats per minute (very very high for a two year old) her fever was remaining between 101 and 104 constantly and she was requiring blood transfusions every 12 to 36 hours. Her poor body was plagued with not only the LCH Disease and Diabetes Insidious (DI) but she was also fighting EBV Virus, Strep, Herpes and Staff infection. With no Immune system those infections and viruses will kill her and killing her they were. The EBV Virus and the LCH was eating up all of her blood. Those viruses and and infections alone are painful. But also the LCH and DI can be an excruciating pain. My cousin died of Colon Cancer at the age of 52 almost two years ago, he explained the pain was like no other pain he had experienced he said it went all the way through the bones. Ari's blood pressure had been dropping rapidly so she was transferred to PICU. On the way to PICU she was saying something I could not understand her. We had to go from the 4th floor to the 2nd floor. She continued to be saying something and I kept asking her what she wanted. I said " I am so sorry honey I don't understand you!" Keep in mind right before we left the 4th floor to PICU her blood pressure was 46/14 yes that is correct. They had to put four additional IV's in her besides the port access she already had which at the time was receiving blood and trying to find her veins is a nightmare. Seriously, to me it feels like I am witnessing some sort of evil torturing while probing and stabbing. She was going in and out consciously and unconscious. However she continued to be mumbling words and I felt so bad that I could not understand her. Finally I heard her say in her cute little 2 yr old weak voice with the little baby two year old accent say "Name Jesus Christ Amen." She wasn't asking for anything from me or even trying to tell me anything she was praying. I wish I knew what she was saying, my heart wonders what a little girl in that condition and situation will ask God for? I was sure that she was not going to survive and my heart was fearing making that phone call to Haley but, she made it again. This picture was taken two to three days after, my mother and I stood there watching her sleep. The feelings of watching your 2 yr old daughter come so close to death in such a painful manner and then be able to witness her sleeping so peaceful is a joyous occasion.

Update With Arianna

2010-10-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

We have been receiving multiple emails, texts and phone calls asking us for an update with Arianna. Many have said that they check the blog frequently but nothing new has been added for a while. We do apologize unfortunately, the last 3 months have been very intense with Arianna and we have also had a new baby arrive. So I am going to do my best to update my information. I usually like to go through my sister Liz because I am not the best when it comes to spelling and punctuation. For example I have been writing lip nodes not lymph nodes so Liz will usual correct my mistakes before she publishes what I wrote. (where were you on lip nodes Liz)

I am mainly going to post pictures and explain, Haley is going to write the details of the latest events.

Arianna has touched my life in so many ways I really do not have words to explain, I guess that is why these pictures may explain better. It has been a very bitter and a very sweet journey these last 18 months and I am sure the bitter sweet will continue. I have to gratefully admit that I have not complained in word or actions these last 18 months I have continued to hold my spirits high however, just the other day I was with my sisters, Liz and Vicki and my mother. I unloaded for about 30 minutes and they empathetically listened with all of the love in the world. Haley and I really hope that all of you feel the love and appreciation for your prayers, love and support. There is no question that we are blessed from you and your prayers and fastings. Thank you very much!

Bone marrow time

2010-10-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

We are getting ready for her transplant. Alaina is a complete match. She is exited to take a brake from school and come up with Mom. She doesn't quite know that it will hurt.

Sometimes a picture tells a thousand words

2010-09-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

Email from Travis

2010-09-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:31:13 -0700
From: jtlane1976@yahoo.com
Subject: Ari update

Hello Everyone,

Just a quick update about Ari. Some of you may know that we have been in and out of the hospital for the last 7 weeks, mainly in St. George. But we have been at Primary Childrens since Thursday (August 26, 2010). Mom was up here with me while we spent over a day in ICU. Haley couldn't take it anymore remaining in St. George so she came up yesterday evening. She was staying in St. George because she is due any day to have the baby. Actually her due date is on the 4th of September. But she has always been 10 days late with all of the other kids. Anyways we have decided to have both of us up here at PCH and have made arrangements that if she does go into labor we literally just have to walk over to the University Hospital. We won't even have to go outside and get into a car. The kids are with Grandma Bradshaw. They are on their second week of school and they really like it. Taylor is playing contact football and Haley recorded his games last Saturday and without being an unbiased father, he is unbelievable!

Ari is definitely struggling. The list of her infirmities is very long and the discomfort and pain that it is causing to her body is very sad. It is not just one single symptom that is killing her it is a multitude of diseases, viral's, bacterias and infections. Just one of those symptoms would bring me to my knees begging God to take my spirit to allow my physical body to be alleviated from the pain.

She has herpes that has infected her mouth down her throat through her digestive tract all the way to her rectum. She also has a viral called EBV. I forget what it stands for, but it is causing her body to not be able to heal and reproduce white and red blood cells. She also has staph and strep--not the normal strep that most people get but the kind that eats through your skin and organs. Obviously the pain of all of these is extremely painful. I am seriously blown away of how she continues to bare it.

The cancer has moved into her jaw on both sides and into the base of her skull as well as into her lip nodes. So now the LCH is in her liver, lungs, kidneys, spleen top of her skull, the base of her skull her jaw and her lip nodes. The doctors were joking today saying that this is a new disease and it should be named after Ari. But they were serious when they said that they had never seen anything like this and they are amazed as to how she continues to fight this disease.

The plan now is to get her healed of the Herpes, staph, strep, and EBV. Once she is healed of those bacterias, virals, and infections then they are going to work on the Cancer. They are very concerned about the cancer in the lip nodes especially because that will aggressively spread and it is a large chance that it is in her bone marrow. So we are closer to the bone marrow transplant and hopefully the new baby's placenta will match. If not we will start with Taylor then Kaley then Laney. Then, if they don't match we will move on to Ron and Vicki's kids (LOL).

I did not know that bone marrow transplant was so risky. The doctor explained the risks of the transplant and now I understand why it is the very last resort.

Thanks for all of your help and love.

Love
Travis

August 31, 2010 Facebook Feeds

2010-08-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

Haley Lane said: Ari hasn't had a fever in a while. so that is really exciting. thanks for all the prayers.

August 31 at 6:30pm via Facebook for BlackBerry · Comment ·LikeUnlike · View Feedback (25)Hide Feedback (25)

12 people like this..

Kristi Lane Niu Just want you to know we love you guys and think and pray for you often. Give Ari a hug from her cousins in AZ
August 31 at 6:32pm · LikeUnlike.

Tammy Swayngim Zimmermann Thank God awesome news
August 31 at 6:33pm · LikeUnlike.

Sharon Danners That's fantastic Haley!!! Bless her heart!!! ;)
August 31 at 6:37pm · LikeUnlike.

Jacki Barbe That is wonderful.. GOD IS THE ALMIGHTY HEALER..PRAYERS WORK...TY LORD... Still praying..
August 31 at 6:44pm · LikeUnlike.

Jackie Hodge Great news Haley!!! Praying every day!!
August 31 at 6:46pm · LikeUnlike.

Tina Riehle Yay! That's awesome!
August 31 at 7:23pm · LikeUnlike.

Christina Taylor That's so awesome! Prayers work! Still praying for her....love you all!
August 31 at 7:40pm · LikeUnlike.

Keena Argo Ortiz Great news! Praying much more is to follow.
August 31 at 8:42pm · LikeUnlike.

Lelynn Parys wonderful!
August 31 at 8:50pm · LikeUnlike.

Bobbi Matty Kaufman Good news! We all will continue praying.
August 31 at 9:51pm · LikeUnlike.

Amber Parten Continue praying..
September 1 at 7:28am · LikeUnlike.

Nicole Maslonka Henderson Still praying for little Ari..
September 1 at 7:48am · LikeUnlike.

Jacki Barbe TY U LORD!!! TY U LORD!!!! GOD IS GREAT!!!!!

2010-08-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time tonight. I have never been away from her. But since the baby is due any day,Travis took her up this time. She almost died tonight. They are now in intensive care. I've always said to myself it would be ok if she skipped of to heaven. She is in so much pain I would have to be really selfish to not want her to receive relief. Tonight I realized that I still feel the same way but if it is going to happened I want it to be in my arms. I think the only reason I'm ever strong is because I have this amazingly strong spirit nestled in my arm and my spirit just feeds of her's. She is so amazing in every way. I am so grateful for her. Thank you Heavenly Father for sending me such a beautiful angel.

I'm sure every thing will seem brighter in the morning.
but for now thanks for all the prayers.

Being Home

2010-06-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged for a long time because I have been busy being home. It still feels like a vacation.

We had a doctors appointment last Thursdays. I was very exited. She has been doing so well. She is so happy and so active. It makes me so happy. I was hoping that all the chemo rounds had gotten the decease out of her body. That was not the case her counts had dropped, we didn't need a transfusion "barely". Her ultra sound showed no difference in her liver and spleen. Doctor Fluchell said he wasn't going to go off that to much because it is so obvious that her stomach has gone down.

Over all it was a rough day. Ari was so mad we were even there. While we were talking about stuff that wasn't the greatest, she all of a sudden started freaking out. Clearly she couldn't understand what we were saying, maybe it was our tone.

The game plan from here is a maintenance plan of 3 different types of mild chemos all done out patient every three weeks. Then if that doesn't work she will receive two rounds of the most intense chemo she can handle followed by a bone marrow transplant. They said because of the type of transplant she would need it would need to be a sibling. Even then it is a 25% chance that they will be a match. They said every once in a million a complete stranger will have her match. They were really exited that I was pregnant because of the cord blood. Because of our situation it would be free. Dr. Druscull said it cost about $500 a year to store it. Amber had told me about all the amazing things they are doing with cord blood and cancer. It is pretty interesting.

So that was our day at clinic. I'm still hopeful. Maybe we won't need the second plan. The only thing that makes me nervous is that it is still in her and last time our maintenance plan didn't go so well, but you can't loose hope right. Every day I'm very very happy watching her being so happy. I am so grateful and blessed. I have to say I really completely enjoy my life.

2010-04-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

A Hair Cut for Ari

2010-04-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard, Ari's Aunt

Ari's hair has gotten so thin since the chemo, she literally has a few strands of hair growing out of her head. Haley decided to even it all up with a buzz cut. Ari got a kick out of getting her head shaved. She looks like an official cancer baby now. The hospital called and offered Ari a free trip to Disneyland as part of the Make A Wish Foundation. It is bittersweet. She is returning to the hospital on Tuesday for more chemo treatments.

At one time while I was there, Haley started putting some cream on her skin. She started screaming. I thought it was because it must have hurt or something. They had to assure her they weren't taking her to the hospital. She thought the cream was part of the hospital ritual and she did not want to go back.

Other than her pot-belly, shaved head, and Ethiopian legs, she runs around like a normal kid. She hasn't grown much in the last year. She is still quite tiny. She kind of waddles around like an old man. Mostly from the atrophy her legs experience from being in the hospital so much. She played with all of her cousins this weekend like she was just as alive as everyone else. You would never guess with her smile and disposition, that she has had more hardship in her short life than most of us put together.

It is uplifting to see her in good spirits, but no one really talks much about the inevitable. Her life is completely in the Lord's hands.

2010-03-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

Today a good friend of ours died. Her name was Jessenia. She was 9 years old and completely full of life. She came here with an 85% chance to live. We arrived at about the same time but she has never been able to leave.

Some days I lay in bed and I will hear the bells ring, This means a child has finished their last chemo and is getting to go home. hopefully never to return here again. It makes me cry every time.

No matter the out come a lot of times it all about the journey.

2010-03-27T12:04:00.001-07:00

I asked God to take away my pride, and god said, "No."
He said it was not for him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my suffering child whole, and God said "No."
He said her spirit is whole, her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience, and God said "No."
He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation, it isn't granted; it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness, and God said "No."
He said He gives blessings. Happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain, and God said "No."
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow, and God said "No."
He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me, and God said "Yes."
He gave me His only beloved Son who died for me. And I will be in Heaven someday because I believe.

I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me.
And God said, "Ah, finally you have the idea."
-quoted by E. Dale LeBaron

A Better Day!

2010-03-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

Today has been such a great day. Ari has been really sick this past week. Everyday it seemed she would get something new. She was going diarrhea every 15 min, she wasn't eating, She developed really painful hemorrhoids, She had about three different infections, her ear started bleeding, They were having to monitor her hart really good because her potassium was out of whack, She got ulcers in her mouth, And was having 3 to 5 fevers a day. She did not smile or let me leave her side for about 6 to 7 days. Her bum was so sad. I felt so helpless. I believe most the time watching someone we love go through pain, we would so much rather take it upon us. About 2 night ago as we were falling asleep I just kept praying over and over again, "please help her to stop pooping and get some relief please". That night she cut back. That day she did a lot better and she smiled for the first time in a week. Today she has done amazing we have been playing and eating all morning. We are so happy and grateful.

Pictures of Ari

2010-03-08T13:32:00.000-08:00

She has been living in the bath, for awhile it was the only thing that brought her relief. She loves taking baths with her buddies. we accidentally flushed her buddy down the toilet. she was not very happy with us. She only gets them with her food tray once a week, since she hasn't been eating we thought she wouldn't get another one. We told one of her nurses, Dave what happened and he brought her up 5 new ones. That was when she gave us her first smile.

Our Visit To See Ari

2010-03-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

Written by Minalyn Lane, Ari's Grandma

Krew loves Spiderman, so we got their pictures with him

The kids even got to talk to Travis on Skype, they loved that

Laney signing Ari's photo frame, her grandmother, Lori, made

Ari in her hospital bed

Here we are all eating at the cafeteria. This where we got to visit with Haley. Haley is such a trooper and what an example she is to all of us. Thanks so much Haley, we love you.

Ari has two infections and today her ears burst. They had to put in a feeding tube for her, she just doesn't feel like eating much. This time the chemo has been a lot harder on her and she has been really sick and in a lot more pain. She is so sweet.

Thank you, thank you

2010-02-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

Life gets a little crazy in here. You never are bored or have much free time because Ari needs constant attention. Sometimes it takes me a couple hours just to get my dinner eaten.

Right now I am holding Ari; she is falling asleep. I'm eating a delicious salad Mom made me. I am reading Ari's blog and people's comments and crying like a baby. I am so grateful to Liz for starting this blog. She is such a good writer and always has me in tears. I love reading everyone's comments. Hearing about Jennifer's little boy who has had a similiar journey and is now doing great really lifts my spirits.

The post about donating blood really got me going. Literally, every kid on this floor is alive today because people donated blood. It touches me how many people have donated blood because of knowing Ari's story.

I really believe a lot of the Lanes have super human blood. My blood is lacking iron, super thin, and has all kinds of issues. Ari must have more of my genes then Travis's.

Anyway, thank you, thank you everyone for all your stories, comments, and prayers. We love you all.

It's Morning

2010-02-26T11:08:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was crazy. Ari has never lost her desire to drink. Water is her drug. Yesterday morning she ran out of her medicine that tells her body to hold on to her fluid and stop urinating. At the same time she was vomiting, peeing, and SHE WOULD NOT DRINK. Even when she is vomiting a lot she will keep up her fluids by drinking like crazy. So she got dehydrated super quickly and started blacking out. We got medicine in her and she pulled out of it pretty quickly. It is very scary when this happens. The rest of the day went pretty well. Mornings are always the worst.

The doctor working with us said she grew up in a poor country where the number one cause of death in children is dehydration. Mainly, because they do not have the resources to treat it.

Take the Good and the Bad

2010-02-23T15:21:00.000-08:00

Good day. Bad day.

Today has been one of the hardest days. She has been throwing up all day. We were talking to Travis on skype and he said, "She looks like she is dead or really drugged up. Last time her 3 day was her worst. The good thing is we are almost done with chemo.

Marie Osmond came and brought Arianna a blanket. I was pretty exited. She has spent time in here with her kids. She is such a beautiful women.

They brought in a Dalmatian. We love there dog therapy. Ari was half asleep and perked right up. He climbed up in bed with her. This was the best part of her day.

We got transferred back Into a bigger room. We love it. No one got to see are small room in person, witch is a bummer because it really was funny

The Hospital is crowded

2010-02-20T21:46:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time rite now we are back in the hospital. The hospital is so full they have us in a closet J/k. The room is about 8x10. We are finding the humor in it.

Donating Blood

2010-02-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

By Elizabeth Lane Hibbard, Ari's Aunt

I have never donated blood in my life. I am scared to death of needles. I have passed up a lot of opportunities to donate blood. I just can't bring myself to get in a chair and voluntarily let someone put a needle in my arm and take my blood out of my body. The thought is akin to sticking needles under my fingernails.

I have never donated blood, until last week. We were hosting a Blood Drive at my work--Paul Mitchell the School--St. George. With this health trauma that Ari has been faced with this past year, I have heard Travis comment how grateful he is for all of the people that give blood. Because, Ari has been the recipient of many transfusions. They are from complete strangers who will never know that their blood has saved someone's life.

I decided to donate blood and overcome my fears. Despite the fact that I kept telling myself I was doing this (indirectly) for Ari I was still experiencing anxiety. I had sweating palms and had to keep going to the bathroom. No idea why it made me have an overactive bladder. My stomach was turning and I was half hoping I could be disqualified from the questions they asked. I made it to the chair and the attendant exclaimed that my veins were golden. She was smiling so I assume that's a good thing. After a quick prick getting the needle in, it was smooth sailing. The anxiety was for naught, and it was an easy procedure.

I regret that I have not done this sooner and possibly been able to be a part of a miracle in someone's life who may have needed my blood. I regret that I am 39 and have taken this long and had to have a serious health issue in my own family before being moved to action. My hope is that anyone who may read this will be motivated to do more in helping out others. You may not know someone personally, but you will be giving a precious gift to another person's life. Not only will the person that receives your blood be given a gift, but you will also give to their mother and their father; their siblings; and their friends and family. Your small donation will affect lives like a ripple in a pond.

I don't know whose blood has been given to Ari in the many transfusions she has received. It would be impossible to tell. They most likely are not the people reading Ari's blog. Just the same, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for making her life go on longer because you took the time to donate blood. Thank you for letting my brother have his daughter a little longer because you gave blood. Thank you for letting my sister-in-law be Ari's mother for a little longer because you gave blood. Thank you for the miracle that may have been nothing for you. Thank you for the small things...because the small things ARE the big things.

Update

2010-01-30T16:08:00.001-08:00

From Travis (Ari's Dad):

I'm just giving an update to family and friends on Arianna. It looks like there is some type of fungal (bacteria) in her brain and/or organs. They will be doing a CT Scan on her body to find out where and what it is exactly.

A word of encouragement

2010-01-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

Written by Elizabeth Lane Hibbard

It is amazing to me what can happen when life seems daunting. It's amazing how many friends and family and strangers reach out to you. I received a wonderful email from a complete stranger who has been following Ari's blog. He too is a parent of an LCH child. I forwarded the information he gave me to Travis. I have also received the following email on Facebook from a friend who is from our hometown of Page, Arizona. Her daughter suffered from LCH and they have a wonderful success story. There is still hope.

Liz,

My heart is breaking for Travis and his family. Brooke had to get these high dose chemo treatments as well. 5 days in a row of 24 hour chemo and we would be home for a week and back in the hospital for 2 or 3 weeks at a time from all the side effects. We spent Aug-Dec 2008 in the hospital. Doing all the blood transfusions, procedures, and surgeries as well. My prayers are with you all. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. We will be celebrating Brooke's end of treatment party on Thurs. I will ask for prayers for Ari from everyone there. Please keep me updated. On a positive note when we reached this stage of the game they told us Brooke only had a 30% chance and she is HEALED! Praise God. Miracles do happen and I'm believing for Ari.

Love,

Felicia

More on Ari

2010-01-19T14:37:00.001-08:00

Written by Vicki Lane Taylor, Ari's Aunt

Ari is back at Primary Children's Hospital. She will be there for 2-3 months. She's been receiving chemo treatments and blood transfusions every 3 weeks since she left the hospital. Doctors said that her cancer is worse than the first time she came in. They have only one resort left to try. She will receive the highest dose of chemo that can be given for 5 days in a row. Then she will remain in the hospital for 3 weeks to recover from the chemo because it is so gruesome. Then the process will start over...5 days chemo, 3 weeks recovery. It can be done 3 times. The Doctors told them she has about a 20% chance of survival. Please keep Travis and Haley in your prayers.

Ari's LCH Relapse

2010-01-19T07:37:00.000-08:00

Written by Jaymi Lane King (Ari's Aunt)

On Sunday I went up to visit my niece at Primary Children's Hospital. As you can see she is not doing so well. She is back in Primary Children's, they have decided to give her the highest dose of chemo they can in hopes that it will help but they say it is not looking too promising. Her face is so puffy and her stomach is bulging because all of her organs are swollen. Even with the pain medication she is in constant pain. My brother and sister in law are such great examples, they have done an amazing job keeping their spirits high for her and the rest of their kids. We love you guys so much and thank you for your great examples to everyone. Our prayers are with you.

A video of Ari is posted on Jaymi's blog at:
http://kingskourt.blogspot.com/

Primary Children's Is A Second Home

2010-01-19T00:08:00.001-08:00

Written by Liz Hibbard

I was on my way to the airport in Vegas tonight. I was so sad because I have to leave my three kids for another week while I work in St. George. I hate saying goodbye to them every week. When we were half way there, Travis called to remind me about the headlights on the truck he's been letting me use for the last four months. He didn't know I was coming tonight, but the thought occurred to him to call me. And, because he is always thinking of others, he wanted to make sure I was going to remember what to do with the headlights.

I asked him how Ari is doing. He said they expect her to be in the hospital for at least the next two to three months. Her belly is swollen and he said her head looks round and swollen too. She is in alot of discomfort pain. Mostly, her illness causes her discomfort; however, she also has a lot of pain too.

After talking to him, I looked at my husband, Brant, to whom I had been complaining earlier. I said, "I will be glad to leave my children each week in comparison to what Travis and Haley are going through. I am thankful this is my trial and that we don't have a child going through what Ari is experiencing. " Of course, Brant agreed. I don't think there are very many people out there that wouldn't be more grateful for their challenges in comparison.

I am thankful for Travis, Haley, Ari, and their children. They have been such a great example to me. Haley and Travis are so positive. I truly believe it is impossible to get Haley to say anything bad about anybody. Her heart is so sweet and pure, she cannot even begin to think ill of another person.

I don't know why we have the trials that we do. I think despite the hardship, we just have to be grateful and look at the silver lining. Sometimes it is hard to see. I know that our ways are not always the Lord's ways. I will keep praying for Ari as I know everyone else will too.

The odds are against us

2010-01-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

The doctors have said that Ari's chances of making it are about 20%. They have given her 3 to 6 months.

Back in the Hospital

2010-01-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

By Haley Lane

They told us if we keep doing what were doing her survival rate is only 20%. So we have to figure out a knew game plan. When we went in for our appointment yesterday her counts were almost as bad as when we came the very first time. Since we have been here she has been given blood for almost 12 hours straight, so for all those people out there that donate blood THANKYOU THANKYOU.

The game plan this time is to treat her as if she has leukemia. It is quite aggressive and quite crappy. So we will be here for another 2 to 3 months.

So keep us in your prayers. We love you all.

A Relapse

2010-01-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

Ari is in the hospital again. She has relapsed. That's not good. Usually, if they relapse they do not always recover.

B-E-D spells Bed

2009-12-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

Written by Haley Lane

I spend about 80% of my life in bed these days. Yes it has been great for my figure--if you like that soft round look. The word you hear out of Ari's mouth the most is, "Bed." Most the time she is yelling it at me. Her facial expressions get pretty funny. I feel like I'm the kid and she is the parent yelling at me to, "Get back in bed young lady!) My arm is her pillow and she can almost not sleep without it. She has been sick, so the other day I let her sleep as long as she needed. She slept for 15 hours straight.

I used to be frustrated at not being able to get anything done. Not anymore. I feel that I treasure every moment holding her and loving on her. My perspective changed one day after complaining to Travis. I told him, "I have 15 seconds of time what should I do with it?"

He replied,"Hold me." He told me,"Just think if she only lives a month or so you will be so glad for the time together."

Leave it to him to change my life. He teaches me every day. The biggest thought I walked away with after our conversation was, "I don't want to have any regrets!" Not just with Ari but with all my kids and Travis. You never know when your time is up--or theirs.

So I now have to priorities a lot. Laying in bed with Ari is at the top of my list.

Ari looks so much better

2009-11-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

Written by Haley Lane

Ari's Primary Children's appointment always takes about 8 hours. Amber had the day off so she came to visit with us. It was so fun to see her. It was actually a fun appointment. I was so hopeful that we would not need blood this time. She gets quite a bit of energy for a few days after getting blood.

The clinic gave her this hat. She looks so cute.

As soon as she got in the car she was out. It had been quite a long day.

Ari is doing well

2009-11-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

Written by Elizabeth Lane Hibbard

I haven't had much to put on the blog, as Ari has been receiving chemo treatments and seems to be responding well so far. I am so glad that we have good news to share. She appears to be a healthy, happy little girl unless you look closely at her hair that has started falling out. Good thing she has an Aunt Kim that makes adorable little girls hats from her Baby Bling line. Ari still wants to have her Mama close by, and has had to learn to crawl again. Her body atrophied so much, that she lost the ability to walk. It's probably quite frustrating to her, as her mind is still sharp and she knows that she could do that once. However, she seems to be getting better. Haley is so diligent on keeping up on her medications, playing with her, and still being such a great Mom to all of her children. I don't know how she manages to get it all done. As always, thanks for all of the prayers.

As If Haley doesn't have enough to do...

2009-10-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

She put together a surprise birthday party for me last night. It was so awesome. Travis and Haley's kids showered me with confetti and yelled surprise as I walked in the door. The whole house was decorated. She even had her video camera out.

I am truly amazed at how considerate, thoughtful, and serving they are to others even when they are going through so much. Shortly after the party, they had to take Ari to the hospital in St. George to have her pick line flushed. It wasn't an emergency or anything, but it had to be done. A few hours later they returned with food for their kids. They are taking Ari to Primary Children's for a chemo treatment on Friday.

Still in the hospital

2009-10-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

I spoke with Travis this evening. He said that everything is still the same: still in the hospital, still running tests, and still having little ups and downs. She does have a lesion on her brain. They are trying to figure out if any of the treatment has stopped the growth. It's a "wait and see" game.

Thanks for all the comments

2009-10-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

I just want to thank everyone for the comments they have posted on this blog, on facebook, on different family members blogs, and different facebook accounts. I read them all--and I know Travis and Haley are reading them too. It's just that there's not a lot to say to respond, except thanks. So, even though they are sometimes unanswered they still mean alot. Especially Felicia, who's daughter also suffered with LCH. She has written so many heartfelt comments on Travis' facebook. I truly appreciate her support. If anyone knows this kind of trial, it's someone who has experienced it firsthand. A sincere thanks to everyone.

Words from Travis

2009-10-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

By Travis Lane

We all know Ari’s sickness has been a roller coaster of ups and downs; good and bad. Good health for a couple of days and then unexpected and devastating. Even to the point of near-death as her body has collapsed from the disease. Most of it has had to do with her condition of Diabetes Insipidus, which has caused her sodium levels to rise and fall. She has become extremely dehydrated and in a matter of minutes she can collapse, have convulsions, and minor comas completely take over her physical body.

She has also experienced a large amount of pain over this last week. Pain, that oxycodine and morphine could not alleviate. The doctors don’t know exactly where the pain came from or if it will return. Her blood levels have also been very weak, requiring blood transfusions. The most consistent symptom has been a fever on a daily basis. Sometimes she has two or three fevers a day, but without fail, at least one a day. The hope is that she has some kind of viral infection that is causing these symptoms.

However, they have run test after test this week, and are not finding any type of virus or infection. As a result, the doctors believe it is the LCH that is causing her symptoms. It is very important we find out. According to the Oncology doctor, if it is the LCH we must aggressively change what we are doing because it isn’t enough. If we don’t, she may rapidly decline. Similar case studies in the past have not been favorable. (You can translate that for yourself.)

Unfortunately, if it is the LCH that is causing all of these symptoms including: fever and pain. Then, the road ahead will be very, very challenging. They are going to start all of the tests, surgeries, biopsies, cat scans, and x-rays, etc. There are many and they are painful and discomforting. Mom, Jaymi, Lori, Jake, and Amber have witnessed and helped with the tests firsthand.

If it is LCH, that is causing it, the therapy will be much more aggressive. The chemo will be more potent, causing riskier and more painful side effects. She is already a radiation bomb ready to go off! According to the doctor, because she is in her sixth week of chemo treatment, she should not be experiencing these symptoms if she is in remission. Unfortunately, with LCH, if a patient doesn’t enter soon, the chances of survival are less likely.

On the hand, we are hoping that is a virus or an infection. If it is, we get to continue with antibiotics and intensive care and she will be fine—figuratively speaking. According to science and medicine, in my opinion, the diagnosis is pointing to LCH. But that is not what we want. Haley and I are going to start a fast. We are not sure what to fast for. My first thought was to fast that she has an infection or a virus. (I never thought I would fast for that reason.)

If anyone has any inspiration intuition, please share. I also think it would be great to fast for Amber and her situation. No, not her marriage to Jake . She has been afflicted with passing kidney stones and it is extremely painful.

This situation reminds me of tough man tournaments. You know you have to step into the ring and fight, but you don’t know who you are going to fight. It could be the 6’ 6” 250 pounder with years of fighting, or it could be the 150 pounder who’s friends talked him into entering the competition. So yes, I am fearful of who our opponent is. I feel like I am sitting in the locker room waiting for my opponents name to be drawn. I guess this is a moment in life you hope you have trained well for. As I’m sitting here typing this into my phone, I am wondering if I am prepared to fight the 6’ 6” opponent. Is my faith, patience, charity, belief, and hope sufficient? Have I honored my Priesthood and am I worthy to commune on a Divine level? What do I know about the Atonement? Can I access it on a level sufficient to help Arianna bear what may be ahead of her? Is my relationship with God and Christ enough to call upon the powers of Heaven for comfort and support for Arianna to endure what challenge may come.

However, my mind cannot rest from the thought of what if Arianna does not make it? Was I as her father prepared spiritually, physically, emotionally, and intellectually enough to do all I could to help her? And, did I give her the love and care that she needed while she lived her short two years on this earth? I guess those are good questions regardless Arianna’s situation. Questions I should ask myself about Haley, Kaley, Taylor, and Laney. And, all of the people I love.

Ari's update from Haley

2009-10-17T13:42:00.001-07:00

Tonight Ari got another fever. She has had one every night for 5 days in a row. Every day they tell us she can go home if she doesn't have a fever for longer then 24 hours. We are starting to think that day might never come. We actually are starting to really like it here. We are becoming pretty good buddies with our nurses. This is by far the best hospital ever.

I want to back up a little and explain to those, who perhaps don’t know how we ended up back in the hospital with Ari. After Kaley's birthday, we stayed in Mt. Pleasant until her Monday appointment. We got to her appointment at 11 and everything went pretty smooth. She received her chemo and a transfusion.

We left at about 5:40. At about 6:00, she had a hard time breathing. Her breathing was like someone getting ready to have a baby. She also got a fever. She would grab a hold of me with her little fist and scream out in pain. If you know her, you know that she never cries or screams even when she is a ton of pain. We gave her some oxycodine and it didn't ease the pain at all.

We called Primary Children’s and they told us that even though we were only 30 miles away to just go to the nearest emergency room. We ended up at Alta Hospital. They checked her vitals, which weren't good. But, they were pretty much at a loss on what to do about this “black hole” of a baby. They suggested we put her in an ambulance and send her up to Primary Children’s. They said that it would take about 15 minutes to get their ambulance ready. This seemed crazy to me. Or, they said we could try taking her ourselves. That is what we did.

Thankfully, Jeremy came and got our other kids. We went about 90 miles an hour and made it in about 15 minutes. When we got there, they did about 20 different tests and x-rays. Of course, everything came back negative. They gave her morphine for her pain. It helped a little. At one point her heart rate was 204. Now we are back to living at the hospital. Her condition is such a mystery.

I think Travis is amazing. He is definitely a super hero to me. We really do have so much support. Today Ammon and Hayley drove all the way up to see us. They brought me some much needed stuff and saved me a trip. They also brought Ari some really cute Dora stuff. On the movie they bought her, the princess’ name is Arianna. I don't even think they knew that when they got it. They also brought some stuff for her to color. She has been into crafts lately. She loves painting. Another thing she loves is a song called “10 Snowmen Learn to Read.” It is on a web site called Starfall. I love this website. We finally taught her how to push the button to play the song so we don’t have to do it every 10 seconds, hours on end. She holds her fingers up and waves them back and forth and laughs, it is so cute.

Josh and Joni Jones have also brought in delicious meals to us. We enjoy seeing and visiting them. They are great friends. The Kids are enjoying being at Aunt Bobbi's. She has made it quite fun for them. I seriously don't know what we would do without all their aunts and uncles. Thanks so much to everyone.

One heart at a time

2009-10-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

Knowing how weak and fragile little Arianna is, we miss the obvious that her life has been one of great significance. In the past few months, her story has touched hundreds if not thousands of people. Her purpose has brought about change in the lives of so many. Like the ripple in a pond, she gentle touches the shoulder of everyone who visits her blog and reads her story. Even now, as you read these words, there is a sweet spirit that surrounds you, softens your heart, and inspires you to be a better person. It's a miracle. This little girl, who has no idea that so many people are following her story. Is changing the world, one heart at a time. Hasn't she already changed your heart?

It is evident that her immediate family has been blessed by her spirit, her strength, and her power. You can read the words of her parents and their inspiring stories on this blog. I want to share some links to others who have been inspired by Ari's story and that in turn, have inspired me. How much joy my heart feels knowing she is, in a sense, serving a mission for the Lord by changing people's lives. I hope these inspire you too:

Kayla Lamoreaux (Travis' cousin) Wondering
Vicki Lane Taylor (Travis' sister) Do You Ever Wonder?
Amber Coates Lane (Travis' sister-in-law) Travis and Haley's Inspiration

This is not specifically about Ari, but it certainly is worth reading and well spoken:
Press On Here's a preview of that article:

There is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.

I have lived long enough to experience firsthand many of the challenges of life. I have known exceptional people who have endured severe trials while others, at least on the surface, seem to have lived charmed lives.

Often those who struggle with adversity ask the question “Why did this happen to me?” They spend sleepless nights wondering why they feel so lonely, sick, discouraged, oppressed, or brokenhearted.

The question “Why me?” can be a difficult one to answer and often leads to frustration and despair. There is a better question to ask ourselves. That question is “What could I learn from this experience?”

The way we answer that question may determine the quality of our lives not only on this earth but also in the eternities to come. Though our trials are diverse, there is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.

Continued at: Press On

More news

2009-10-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

Not the best night, but definitely not the worst. She is waiting to get her second blood transfusion.

Text from Travis

2009-10-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

This is a text that Travis sent out to the family this morning:

Family, I have to admit as of yesterday I am feeling the challenge of Ari’s condition. I thought I was a super hero, numb to the situation. But the endless physical torture that she endures everyday has pierced my heart to a point of almost bitterness towards faith and the atonement. But I know better than to go there. I do know that what is happening is in Gods control, I just don’t agree with it. I would rather that she moves on into the next estate as to have to continue enduring such excruciating pain. Pain that a grown man would fear, a pain you would only wish upon an evil enemy.

I wonder what this financial challenge and Ari’s challenge is for what purpose? I often ponder searching for an answer but find myself confused and question the power of God. But then I step back and realize that these experiences are for my own good and I realize that I have learned so much from them, my relationship with my wife and kids have grown, my gratitude for life and health have increased, my love for family and appreciation for those relationships have deeply awaken a better understanding of God’s plan. I then realize that these experiences are a great blessing from God and I feel privileged for the opportunity that he has allowed me to take part of them. I anxiously gather everything I feel like I have learned and with a joyful and grateful attitude I try to go back out there and make the best of the situation. Knowing, with no doubt that God knows and understands and I find comfort that God is in charge orchestrating such a divine occasion. I then feel embarrassed for doubting the power of God and the atonement. I then realize my role is simple. It’s the basics, have charity, have faith, have a good attitude, continue to learn, continue to be grateful, and most important endure the trial and never give up hope.

Dad I really want to thank you for all you’re doing to help with such a business disaster right now. Your handling matters that make me cringe, I am so grateful for you and you may not know how much you’re helping me right now thank you.

(Mom) thank you for the many endless nights of support and the miles that we physically put in together in the beginning of Ari’s journey and thank you for supporting Dad with the business challenges we have right now.

(Dona) thank you so much for taking care of our kids and getting them in school. I wish we would have left them in, but I guess…..What do they say about hindsight?

(Liz) thank you for the blog it has allowed a lot of people to remain updated. You not only have kept them updated but with your gift of writing you’ve allowed it to be inspirational and entertaining.

(Vicki) thank you for your example of positivity and endurance. You’ve always demonstrated those two attributes our whole lives. You’ve always been an example to me of being positive and never giving up.

(Bobbi) thank you for your support even showing up at the hospital and no one was there. LOL. Thank you for taking the kids, coming and getting them from Alta emergency room and for caring for them like their own mother.

(Jaymi) thank you for the many endless nights at the hospital. For all the many trips you have made to haul kids.

(Taylor) thank you for being you. I don’t know if you know but Ari’s in the hospital. LOL (“when the freak did we get ice-cream?”) thank you Taylor for letting me tease and make fun of you!

(Brian) thank you for your silent support when I speak with you I feel such a love and concern not only for Ari but for me and Haley as well.

(Jake) thank you for many endless nights at the hospital of so much support and sleeping on couches and always physically being here for support.

(Amber) thank you for so many dinners you have brought. Your food is so good. Your support to Haley has been very helpful. You’ve always just shown up out of the blue just waiting to see if there is anything you can help with.

(Kim) thank you for dressing up Kaylor and sending us pictures of her. She is beautiful.

(Lorri) thank you so much for all you have done there is no doubt that if there is anyone that Haley and I can rely on to receive any kind of help from it is you. You are so non judgemental and your endlessly supportive of anything we do, willing to endure with a humble and grateful attitude. I am also grateful for the strength that Haley gets from you.

(Haley) I don’t have words to express my gratitude for you. Your example of faith and humility are not human. You never give up, you’re always grateful. I am so impressed by the way you’re in tuned to what Arianna needs medically and emotionally. The way you took charge the other day when Arianna was vomiting and having convulsions. You gave orders to the doctors and it was your mother’s intuition that saved Arianna. I find it very important to give gratitude to people and God. I feel like when I recognize my blessings and give thanks for them for some reason burdens are alleviated.

Please pray

2009-10-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Travis and Haley were optimistic that they could take Ari home last night. Unfortunately, she had another episode of vomiting, convulsions, and incoherence. Her blood counts remain low. Everyone who knows of Travis and Haley’s circumstance have been undoubtedly moved by their example, faith, and optimism. However, as their trial continues, it becomes more and more wearing. Please continue to pray for them. Pray for them to have strength and be filled with the Spirit. Pray that God’s will be done. I know that the power of prayer works and at this time they all need our prayers for peace and strength. Please take as many opportunities as you can today to offer up a prayer on their behalf.

Tuesday Texts

2009-10-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

From Travis at 9:16 am on Tuesday, October 13
She has thrown up went into a small convulsion and she is now passed out. Her sodium is so high its life threatening. If its like past times she will pull out.

Tuesday, October 13, 9:20 am
If not, she won't make it. The good thing is she is out and incoherent (finally resting).

Tuesday, October 13, 9:27 am
Its so sad but also relieving. Because she appears to finally be out of pain. She looks dead but the monitors indicate otherwise.

Tuesday, October 13, 10:20 am
She is awake. She came out of it with a very large hunger. I am so impressed with Haley, she was telling the doctors what we need to do and they followed orders.

Monday night updates

2009-10-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

Alot transpired throughout the night...I am not sure what to write except to pass on the text messages.

From Travis at 10:58 pm on Monday, October 12
They just gave her morphine for the pain. The pain is at least 5x more than I've seen her go through.

From Vicki at 11:16 pm on Monday, October 12
They had to transport Ari to Primary Children's. Alto said it was too complicated for them to handle. Travis said she is in so much pain that they finally gave her morphine. And they are x-raying her stomach because that's where they think the pain is coming from.

From Travis at 11:27 pm on Monday, October 12
The morphine doesn't seem to help much.

Another Emergency

2009-10-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

Ari received another chemo treatment today. On the way home from the hospital, they were on the 1-15 (less than 20 minutes from leaving Primary Children's) when Ari started experiencing severe breathing problems. Travis immediately called PCH who advised them to seek treatment at the nearest hospital as her condition was life-threatening. She is currently being treated at the Alta Hospital. Her condition is critical. We will update as soon as we hear more.

My first testimony meeting since returning home

2009-10-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

By Haley Lane

I should have known my first testimony meeting after coming home from the hospital would be emotional. The Bradshaw side of me just bawls like a baby. No matter what, when we are all together, if my Dad starts crying we all go down. It is pretty bad. I can never say all I want to, when I start out crying.

Today I felt that I had to get up and publicly thank my Father in Heaven for his love and letting us keep our little girl. I truly know I am loved. I am so grateful for the Savior and The Atonement. I am grateful for the knowledge that He suffered all my pains, not just the pains of sin and repentance but also pains of sorrow and trials. He truly does make our burdens lighter. He will never leave us. I am grateful for my trials because I know they make my marriage stronger, my family stronger, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior stronger.

I think there are two types of trials: one that bring you closer to Christ; and ones that you let take you away. Hopefully, we can take every trial we have as an opportunity to bring us closer to Christ.

Jay also got up and bore his testimony. Like my Dad, he has a really strong testimony. One thing he said that I completely agree with, is knowing how bad you can miss Sacrament meeting when you don't have the opportunity to go. Jay said that in Africa they called for permission to administer their own sacrament because there was no organized branch or ward in their area. I feel the same way. I love gong to church. I always have. I feel that it renews me and helps me get through life. I am so grateful for the gospel and being able to take the Sacrament. After not being able to go to church, for whatever reason I start to crave it so bad. It is like a big part of me is missing.

Corey also got up and bore his testimony. He got my tears falling all over again. He is an amazing person. I am so grateful for all my family and blessings. I am so grateful for each of my beautiful kids. The scripture about having joy in your posterity is so true. My kids really do fill my life with joy. I am so grateful for Travis. I try to Thank Heavenly Father for him every day. My hope is that if I am grateful for the most amazing husband, Father, and best friend anyone could ever have, I will deserve to keep him forever. My goal in being a good wife is to treat him half as good as he treats me. I love him so much. Like I always say, "I really am spoiled."

She's back in the hospital. :(

2009-10-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

Monday was our appointment at Primary's hospital. Ari usually gets her chemo and maybe a blood transfusion. About 45 min from the hospital Ari vomited this dark brown stuff. later we found out it was dry blood. By the time we got to hospital her fever was 104, so they admitted her. That day her DDAVP didn't work and when that happens she gets dehydrated and drinks and pees like crazy. Within 2 hours she was completely dehydrated and vomiting every few minutes.

She started getting really lethargic. I help her up to through up and she just flopped, her head going straight in her lap. So we got the doctor there and they were tapping her chest saying her name trying to get her to come out of it. It scared me half t death. She had never acted like this before. If ever we have something new come along.

They checked her sodium and it was 172 so they checked it 4 more times. Both the doctors there had not seen any ones that high. they were actually really surprised how well she was doing. I can't imagine what would be worse. They rushed her down to intensive care and started pumping her with all kinds of stuff. She pulled out of it and I was thinking how terrified I would have been if I had been at home. So I am grateful it all happened while we were up here. Heavenly Father was watching out for us again. We were very lucky.

Ari is back in Primary Children's

2009-10-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

Ari's fever has gone up again. They believe it is due to the Diabetes Insipidous. Her organs are enlarging and her blood levels are low. Travis, Haley, and Ari will be staying in Primary Children's tonight. Please keep them in your prayers.

Finisher

2009-10-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

I can't believe how much endurance Haley seems to have. She seems so sweet, guileless, and innocent. In first appearances, she doesn't give any hint as to how much strength she possesses. On Saturday, I was telling my husband, Brant, that Haley ran the St. George Marathon today. I said she hadn't even been training and just ran it. He said, "It's not that hard. You just have to put your mind to it."

Yeah, right, I thought. I could not just "put my mind to it." Then, I thought about it more and more. I've thought about it the last couple of days and I realized he was right. She did just "put her mind to it." She has either learned this or comes by it naturally, but she knows how to do that. I think that with Haley, she "puts her spirit to it," then her mind follows, and then her body follows. Now, of course, she has run marathons before and she knows what it takes. But I think she has been able to accomplish any goal she sets because she becomes so determined.

I've realized how many challenges in my life have become obstacles, not because I really can't do them, but because I haven't put my mind to it. I think Haley is such a great example. She said on her blog that as she was running, she kept thinking about what Ari had gone through and how strong she had been. She knew Ari didn't give up and kept fighting. It was from Ari that she drew her strength.

The last mile, Kaley and Taylor ran with her. I think, like in life, when our family runs alongside us, it can give us that extra boost and help us find our way to the finish line. I guess, in life, there are starters, quitters, and finishers. I hope that when it's all said and done I can stand under a banner that reads "Finisher."

To read more about Haley's marathon visit her blog: http://haleylane23.blogspot.com

Welcome Home, Ari

2009-09-30T17:14:00.001-07:00

We are so pleased to announce that Ari has stabilized enough to go back to St. George. They have been up in Salt Lake for a full month. She is on several medications and has an I.V. in her arm, but she is home! On Monday, they will be making the trip back to SLC for blood work and chemotherapy. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. We truly believe they have helped her to sustain her health.

A Mother's Words

2009-09-28T16:41:00.000-07:00

Told by Minalyn Lane, Travis’ Mom

Almost three decades ago, I was living with the possibility of losing a child to an illness that became life-threatening. I can understand the terror that Travis and Haley are going through as they have to wait and wonder and watch as their little one struggles to survive. I remember sitting in the hospital, wondering what was going to happen. As a mother, I wondered if my baby was going to live. My baby was so precious, so tiny and I felt helpless. All I could do was wait and pray.

Jay and I had just had our fourth child. We could not have been happier. We had been blessed with three beautiful girls and we would have been happy to have either a boy or a girl. Back when I was having babies, you didn’t get to find out what you were having. It was always a surprise. After nine months of waiting, we were so excited to hear the doctor announce, “It’s a boy!”

When he was only 3 weeks old, he contracted pneumonia. After going to my local pediatrician several times, I felt silly when they told me I was overreacting and the baby was fine. Travis had quit eating and was sleeping non-stop. I couldn’t get him to wake up. Finally, we rushed him to the emergency room. I was devastated when I found out what he had and that I should have taken him in earlier. I was so afraid we were going to lose him.

At one point, the doctors told us his heart, lungs, and liver were enlarging. At times, his heart literally would stop. I still remember Jay pulling me aside and telling me he didn't think our little boy was going to make it. I remember Jay telling me that it would be okay; we would get to raise him in the next life. I cried at the thought of losing him. I had a strong testimony of our eternal plan, but I could not let him go. He was my little boy; I had carried him for nine months and I wasn’t ready to let him go. Even so, Jay and I decided we should have Donalyn, Elizabeth, and Vicki come to the hospital to tell him goodbye. I have experienced some painful physcial accidents in my life, but none could ever compare to the pain that ripped out my heart during that time.

How grateful I was to see him recover back to health and be able to lead a life of good health. He has truly been blessed. Travis has always been a optimist and light in my life. He has always taken such good care of his mother. Even as a young man, he doted on me and treated me like a queen. I can remember the “love” notes he would leave for me. One was posted on the wall in the laundry room where he knew I spent a lot of time. I think it stayed up there for years. I never got tired of looking at it. When he was just a boy, him and his best friend Jared Thatcher, invited me and Neta (Jared’s mom) on a double-date. They asked us if they could drive because they weren’t old enough too.

Now the irony of the present day is that I am watching the son I almost lost watch his daughter struggle with life and death. I am not sure which hurt worse. Being a young mother watching my baby fight for his life, or being a mature mother watching my baby as a grown man feel the same way I did so many years ago. I can say I truly know his pain and his fears.

I know this. I am so proud of the man he has grown into. He is handling his situation so well, with so much optimism. Watching him as a baby, I had no idea what a comfort he would be to me when he grew into a man. I only wish I could do something for him to help ease the pain. There truly is no greater pain than to watch your child suffer. The strength of his testimony and his love for his God is a great example and a blessing to everyone. He truly desires God’s will for Ari and accepts this trial with the greatest humility.

Ari has the strength and tenacity of her father. She is a fighter in every sense of the word. She won’t give up until her last breath. What courage she has and what bravery she has shown at such a tender age. There is no doubt she is a special spirit. My prayers continue to be with their family. I love them all very much.

Sunday Report

2009-09-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ari's got a fever of 101 Saturday night. We started to get a little worried, but no sooner did the worry start than the fever broke. Thank goodness. During the night, she experienced more pain than usual due to the LCH. But, today, she is in good spirits. Her color is coming back and she looks good. Getting her out of the hospital for a couple of days has helped a lot. We will be taking her back to the hospital tomorrow for follow-up.

It's Been A Good Day

2009-09-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

Arianna is doing really well. It's a good day and it's wonderful to see her feeling so well. She was even well enough to be released from the hospital for the weekend. We are taking her to Scott and Taylor's baptisms. She has done well in the past for a short period and then relapsed, so we are crossing our fingers that she will continue to stabilize. We do have to take her back to the hospital on Monday.

A Story From the Past Part VIII: A More Detailed Email

2009-09-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

By Travis Lane

I wrote back to some of my friends that wrote to me and wanted to share more with them about Ari's experiences. She has come so near to death, it is unbelievable, sacred, hoped-for, hoped-against, and many more emotions all rolled into one. Haley has been my rock. I watch her and cannot believe what an incredible woman and mother she is.

When you marry someone, you have no idea how this person would react during an immense trial. You're wrapped up in "being in love." I thought I was in love with Haley when I met her. I thought I knew what a great woman I was marrying. I thought she was a spiritual, faithful daughter of our Heavenly Father. The small knowledge I had then at that time in our courtship, is a tiny grain of salt compared to what I feel for her now. She has become the ultimate mother as she has carefully tended to our little angel. Not just during the hospital, but during the many months that preceded Ari's condition. Haley spent many sleepless nights holding her, giving her water, changing her diaper, and loving her as only a mother can. My respect and love for my wife has heightened to unimaginable degrees as we have held onto each other through this ordeal.

From: "Travis"
Date: Thu, 24 Sep 2009 05:52:16 +0000
To: Josh and Joni
Subject: A story from the past

Thanks you guys for all of the offers. Here at the hospital they have a laundry room and a kitchen. Everyone in our area of the hospital are basically living at the hospital because most of the kids are on life support or they are in a very late stage of cancer and the odds are highly against them. So the hospital does provide good living quarters. Due to the necessity of the parents wanting and needing to be there 24 hours.

I would love to see you guys. I haven't seen Josh for so long. Right now for some reason I think a lot about when Josh and I were younger. I don't know why, its actually odd. I think I long for the days of peace and no worries. However I really am grateful for this experience Haley and I have grown so much from it in so many areas and different ways.

It truly has been a great blessing from God to allow us to have this experience. It is no doubt a challenge. For example, this morning around 2:00 a.m. She got a fever of 105 degrees due to the infection in her lungs and the virus in her liver. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy has damaged or has shut down her immune system. So she can't fight those two off and it literally starts killing her. This morning when it happened her eyes got dark circles around them. She got so weak she couldn't hold her head up she began shaking like she was in a minor seizure or convulsion. She had just drank a gallon in a half of water because of her "DI" diabetes insipidus she was literally dying of dehydration and the water she drank did nothing but go right through her. We (doctors) still haven't figured out her DI and how to accurately treat it for her.

The nurses had just checked her blood the hour prior and it was somewhat stable considering her stage of sickness. Nothing was too alarming. Her heart beat got really slow around 20 bpm and she could not breathe on her own. I told the nurses that her blood must be low or weak. The nurse told me she just checked it an hour ago and it was fine. I insisted there was something wrong. I said, "She's dying."

The nurse said "She's just sick from the fever."

I firmly replied, "No. This is like last week when we had to do an emergency blood transfusion.

She said, " I'm only supposed to check the blood every four hours and she just got a blood transfusion at 10:00 p.m."

More firmly I insisted, "We need the doctor. She is dying."

Within 5 minutes the doctor on the floor came in, immediately looked at her and ordered for blood to be transfused. The disease LCH and the fevers had attacked that blood and burnt it up within one hour. The doctor said we were within minutes of losing her. In the last month we have had 3 of those situations. Sadly, because of the virus and infection it has made it that much more of a challenge for her.

When it happened this morning, I was waiting for the doctor. I was watching the monitor that displayed her heartbeat and her oxygen intake. Her heartbeat dropped to around 20 bpm. I knew she was dying and I knew she only had minutes left.

Haley was holding her and encouraging her to fight and hold on saying that we will have help for her soon. Haley whispered to her, "We all love you. Your brother and sisters love you. We're all so proud of how strong you are and the courage you have. We love you so so much and we want you here with us. But if you have to go that is okay. We will see you again, we just want you to be peaceful and happy."

Haley tried hard to fight back the tears so that she could continue to encourage her, but the emotion was so much for her to bear. I reached down and took hold of Ari's little hand. It was very cold. I bent over and put my hand under her head and neck. I kissed my little angel goodbye. I thought we were losing her. Then I told her that I love her. At that point, they came in with the blood. Miraculously, she pulled out of it and we have another day with her.

The biggest challenge to me is wondering if God wants her back or not. Haley and I wonder at times if we encourage her to fight so hard and that is just prolonging her passing. But it is next to impossible to not fight and believe that she will recover. Haley and I have committed to have a positive attitude and to learn from this experience. We will fight and encourage all that we can. But, we put our faith in Christ and the Atonement and put our trust in God's decision. I do have to admit that at times Haley and I feel like we have it hard (well Ari has it hard), but then we meet someone else and they tell us their child's situation and their story. Then Haley and I actually feel guilty.

Thank you so much for all your offers.

--Travis

A Story From the Past Part VII: An Email From Friends

2009-09-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

By Travis Lane

I received emails from some of my friends expressing their love, support, and prayers for my family. It truly meant so much to me to know that I am blessed to have lifetime friends. The world changes so quickly and people hardly ever stay in the same place anymore. I feel fortunate that a lot of my friends are friends I have had since childhood.

I am feeling overwhelmed by the people that have supported us. I run into people almost every day who have said they are following the blog. In some ways, I feel like I don't want that. It's like when I am driving in my car, sometimes I won't put my seatbelt on. I know it doesn't make sense, but I think that I don't need a seatbelt because I'm not going to need it. I'm not going to get in a wreck. In that sense, I don't want this blog. I don't want people following Ari's condition because it means she has a condition to follow.

I do want eveyrone to know that I am grateful for all of your love and support. I know my family has received emails and notes from hundreds of people wishing us well and wanting them to forward their thoughts. I appreciate it so much. There is not much anyone can do to fix this problem, but the support certainly helps to ease the pain. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

Haley and Ari

2009-09-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

A common sleep position for Haley and Ari. Although, it's not new. Haley has been sleeping with Ari for months as she has been up all night tending to her insatiable thirst.

A Story From the Past Part VI: Thank You For the Memories

2009-09-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Travis Lane

Like I wrote before, this all started as a journal entry and as I wrote it into my journal I thought it would be somewhat entertaining for all of you to read it.

I do want to tell you all thank you for helping me have such an enjoyable child hood. I have met many people as we all have since our days in Page. Many of them have shared their lives with me and have related their stories of "growing up" I often feel privileged to have had not only the friends that I had, but also all of your families that took part in my life.

I saw President and Sister Grygla about 3 months ago in St. George at my son’s soccer game. Kelly’s daughter was playing right next to us. When I saw sister Grygla she had already spotted me and with much enthusiasm she was saying "Travis, Travis Lane? Is that you?" It felt like I had just met up with a relative that I had not seen for some time. She and I talked and talked. I confessed to some of the pranks that Josh and I had pulled. She and my mother were both there and both not believe that Josh and I actually were the culprits of those pranks. Specifically the time that Josh and I took Gryglas suburban and drove it to Larsons house. Then took Larson’s truck and drove it to Gryglas. This was all before Josh and I were legally old enough to drive.

I have just read what I wrote. It kind of sounds silly, but as I wrote it into my journal. I thought that you all would find some humor in it. As you can tell I took parts of what I wrote in my journal and put them in here so it is not the best illustration..

I sincerely want to thank all of you for helping create a day in my life that would provide so much peace, comfort, and relief at such a challenging time in my life. I have not only dreamed it once, but at least 7 times in the last two weeks.

--Travis

A Story From the Past Part V: The Dream

2009-09-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

Continued from: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-iv-how-i-met-my.html

By Travis Lane

Now this is the dream that I have had many times in the last two weeks. Keep in mind it was actually part of a day of our lives. (Not the soap opera but an actual day of our lives). I think it still sounds like I am talking about the soap opera. I wonder if any of you remember this day. It was on a hot summer day. Remember when it would rain in Page in the summer time? Now not just a sprinkle of rain but when it would rain for about two hours causing the streets to almost flood with water and if you would stand out in the rain for just 30 seconds you would be soaked.

Josh and I were behind his house playing in the river of water that was created from the run off coming down the street into the desert. We would sit right at the beginning of the start of the water and slide down about 10 feet. Josh and I thought that we were reliving a part in the movie the "Goonies" We walked back up to slide down again and Tammy, and Shanna were there. I remember the first thing I noticed about you two is that you didn’t have any shoes on. I thought to myself "are these girls crazy" You two would run around on those rocks just as if you were wearing the best pair of hiking boots.

Here is the rest of the dream, which is actually a past reality. We played there for what seemed like a long time. Then Andrea came walking down the street with a purple umbrella. I remember the color distinctively because I had never seen a purple umbrella before. It appeared that Andrea had already known or met Tammy and Shanna. The four of us continued to slide down this little river over and over again while Andrea would stand right on the edge of the sidewalk in front of Jones' house watching us go down the small river and then hike back up. Then after that became boring someone suggested that we actually crawl up this drain that came out from underneath the road. That is where the majority of the water was coming from.

I don’t know who was headed in first, and it definitely was not me or Josh. That is when Andrea warned us of all of the bugs and insects that were inside that pipe. It scared me enough to not want to do it but that did not stop the rest of you. I remember acting like I was talking to Andrea so it did not look like I was afraid to go into the pipe. I remember you guys made it look like so much fun all of a sudden you would come shooting out of this pipe from nowhere down a small waterfall into a 10 foot long river.

After witnessing the enthusiasm of Josh, Shanna and Tammy I thought I would try it. Sure enough it was not as fun as you three made it look. (It hurt) I remember thinking am I missing something because this hurts really badly. I didn’t give up I tried it again, the second time it hurt even worse. I thought are they really enjoying this? Then Andrea asked me is it fun Travis? I replied with an enthusiastic excitement "It’s the funnest thing ever you got to try it!" (I think that was the first lie I told in my life) I could tell after my response Andrea was really wanting to try it but she still hesitated. I went back for more and oddly to say the third time was enjoyable. I think what had happened is I learned where the big rocks were and I learned to go around them, making it a more enjoyable ride.

Then Tammy was telling Andrea how fun it is and she’s got to try it soon after all of us were trying to encourage Andrea to take part in this crazy activity. I remember Andrea kept saying "my mom will be so mad at me if I get my clothes dirty." Finally with much debate Andrea indulged on the safari. We were all down ready to greet her hoping that she would find the same type of insane excitement that we had found. Andrea got up and trying so hard to fight the tears back, mustered the words " That was really fun." At the time Andrea and I knew each other the most out of all of us. I could tell that her experience was much similar to mine and the words "That was really fun," were a complete lie.

After everyone ran to the top to go down again, I said to Andrea "Are you ok?" She responded with a wrinkle in her eyes, a squinted nose, and tight lips. "No, it hurt." I then said, “On the third time it is fun." She responded "I have to go down one more time before it is fun?"

Tammy became adventurous and scouted out another natural amusement. She had followed the water and it lead us to a much bigger waterfall that at the end dropped us into a pool of water of about three feet. We all walked around it sizing it up to see how it compared to the one up stream. There was no way that I was going to go down it, that was crazy and suicidal. All of a sudden, I see Andrea lunging into the waterfall with her eyes closed sliding down this jagged ravine. Then it shot her in the air into this pool of water that she was submerged into. For a split second, I thought she was seriously injured or maybe even worse. All of a sudden she sprung out of that water with both hands in the air shouting "That was so fun!" She was right. It was a blast. I’m not going to say that it did not hurt, but it was fun. The adrenaline made up for the pain. We played on that waterfall for what seemed like hours. I remember thinking to myself “I don’t think life can get much more enjoyable than this." Afterwards, we all hiked up the hill to Jones’ house and Sister Jones had hot apple cider for us. It was the first time I had ever tasted apple cider. I felt like an oddball because everyone else had tasted it but me.

A Story From the Past Part IV: How I Met My Friends

2009-09-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Continued from: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-iii-about-aris.html

By Travis Lane

My email continues:

On top of Arianna’s condition I have three business transactions that are about a 4.8 Million dollar loss. I guess that is not as bad as it seems considering I have some business deals that have come to me because of two of those deals. They will make up the loss and much more. However, at this point it is still a 4.8 Million loss and it is frustrating, stressful, devastating, and humiliating and just a complete bummer to lose 4.8 Million.

Well it is what it is and there is a reason I have shared these last two paragraphs with you.

Now here is the corny part, about two weeks ago I started having this dream. (Very odd that I would dream considering I would only sleep about an hour a day) However, I would have a dream of a day in the past. (It is an actual day of my life when I was about 10 or 11 yrs old). I am going to share this dream with you, but first I want to recap on how I met you each one of these people that are in this dream, because that leads into this repetitive dream I have had, which turns out to be an actual event in our lives.

Josh, I remember the first time I met you; your family had been moved into your house on Rim view for about a week. We invited your family over for breakfast and in your back pocket was a "Boys Life Magazine" I didn’t know that magazine even existed at the time. You showed it to me and I saw all of the neat things in there from Chinese Stars to Smoke Bombs. Later that week we placed our first order and our box of stink bombs, smoke bombs and booby trap contraptions showed up. We were instant best friends from there on out.

Andrea, I met you before I even moved into our house on Rim View. Remember my cousins lived there before I did? (Tyler Hendrix) Ok, tell me if you remember this how I do? I think we were about 5 years old. I remember that you, Tyler, myself and Cindy? Was that her name? She lived right across the street from you. Then she moved and no one ever lived there since. This is the first day I met you. I went over to Tyler’s house, which later became my house. Somehow we ended up playing with you and Cindy. It seemed like we played all day. I remember playing in Cindy's backyard. Someone proposed that we should all get married. You and Tyler were to get married because you two had dark hair and Cindy and I were to get married because we had blonde hair. I was all for it but, you had some definite reservations and questions about it. You would not agree to it until you consulted your mom. We held off the ceremony until you returned with an answer from your mom. The response was very wise; we were too young to get married so your mom would not permit it.

Shanna and Tammy, I met you shortly after you had moved into your house.

Continued at: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-v-dream.html

A Story From the Past Part III: About Ari's Disease

2009-09-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

Continued from: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-ii-to-my-childhood.html

By Travis Lane

I continued my email to my friends. This is what I wrote:

The following is a journal entry that I thought you might find enjoyable. I actually revised the journal entry to a story for you guys. So it’s not the exact journal entry.

My youngest daughter Arianna, is 22 months old. She has a disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis (LCH). It is a fatal disease and a chronic illness. It acts like a cancer and in some ways is much more deadly than cancer. The negative side on this disease is that it will spread much faster than cancer and it will attack more aggressively than cancer. There are two types of this disease. A single symptom and a multi-symptom. The single will develop in one part of the body and the multi will develop in multiple areas.

Unfortunately, she has the multi-symptom and it has developed in her brain, lungs. kidneys, liver, spleen and bones. It is a blood disease making it possible to be carried throughout her entire body. Sadly, each section of her body that this disease has contaminated has caused other problems for her as well. For example, the disease in her brain has completely damaged her pituitary gland. This has caused all kinds of short term related problems but the long-term damage is that she will have "Diabetes Insipidus." Her lungs have a terrible infection in them, not allowing her to breathe on her own at times and accumulating a large amount of fluids also causing her lungs to swell about twice their normal size. Her kidneys have an infection as well as they are swelled to three times their normal size. Her liver and spleen are also infected to the point that they are not functioning and they also are three times their normal size. The disease in her bones is the most painful. They explain the pain like getting a cavity in your tooth drilled on without receiving Novacaine.

We have been at Primary Children Hospital for the last three, almost four weeks. During our stay here, the doctors wanted Haley and I to receive counseling to prepare for Arianna’s death. Arianna had developed to a point that appeared that she would not be able to recover. PCH informed us that out of all of the cases they have treated that Arianna’s was the most severe and was similar to a late stage 3 of cancer. Needless to say, we had our other three children come up to say their goodbyes to their little sister.

The following week was a challenge physically, spiritually and emotionally. There were many times I thought I was watching her take her last breath or witness her last heartbeat as I would watch the doctors and nurses hook her into the life support breathing machine. I would watch the monitor that displayed her heart beat per minute count down from 120 bpm to 110 to 90 to 70 to 50 to 20 bpm. Her Breathing would go from 90 to 50 to 40 to 10. They would then aggressively run a tube from her nose into her lungs to vacuum out the fluids on her lungs trying to allow her lungs to take in oxygen. Sadly, that event has taken place many times.

She also has a viral in her body and because of the chemotherapy her immune system has no ability to fight the infection or the viral in her body. The viral and infection have become more life threatening than the LCH. The doctors have all questioned, why she has continued to live. She fights just enough to stay alive, she just will not give up. I’ve heard of miracles but the fight she puts forth is beyond belief. You have to see it to believe it kind of thing. The doctors shake their heads wondering "How does she continue to make it." I have never been so inspired in my life, as to witness this daily fight for life when all odds are against her. I wonder every day "How can a little tiny human fight with such determination and belief of success?" The answer came to me a couple of days ago, of what appeared to be her last breath. It’s not the human in her fighting it’s the Godly spirit inside of her that knows and understands something the human does not.

(You have just received the very quick watered down version of Arianna’s life these last three weeks.) Liz started a blog for her to help keep people updated on her condition. Sometimes its updated and sometimes it is not. http://www.prayforari.blogspot.com/

Continued at: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-iv-how-i-met-my.html

A Story From the Past Part II: To My Childhood Friends

2009-09-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Continued from http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-i-dreaming-doesnt-hurt.html

By Travis Lane
Edited by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

The dream stayed in mind. The three friends kept coming back to me. Many more memories came to my recollection. I felt like I needed to reconnect with those friends. I wanted them to know how much their support was helping me. Even if they didn’t know it had been coming to me through my dreams. I am glad we are in an age of information and that we can instantly email people—even if we haven’t spoken to each other for years. I’ll warn that my original email was full of typos and poor grammar. Liz edited for the sake of the blog. Here’s what I wrote:

Date: Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:23:14 -0700
From: jtlane1976@yahoo.com
Subject: A story from the past
To: Josh, Shanna, Tammy and Andrea

How are all of you? I really hope that things are going well for everyone and your families. It has been a long time since I have spoken to any of you or even seen any of you.

Josh, I don’t know when I saw you last I believe it was shortly after your wedding? You emailed me about what 4 months ago? It was a pleasant reunion. I thought when we were kids that you and I would never go a day without talking to each other. To my surprise it has been many years. I don’t know if your wife is still planning on running the St. George Marathon in October. You are still very welcome to stay at our house. Haley and I most likely will not be running it this year due to the sickness of our youngest child, however if by some surprise we are able to make it back in time we will still run it. Haley and I have run it for the last 7 year. It has become a tradition of ours every year. Out of all of the Marathons and triathlons I have participated in I believe I do enjoy the St. Marathon the most because of the scenery. We would really enjoy it if you stayed at our house even if we are not there.

Shanna, I think the last time I saw you was when you, Chris and your oldest child came to Page. I think your oldest child was about six months when you guys came down to Taco Bell to say hi and you were leaving town. I hesitate to write you this letter because I know as you read it you will be correcting my punctuation, grammar and spelling. At least the poor spelling will be limited because of spell check. (So correct away.)

Tammy, I think I last saw you and Moss at the M.T.C. You and I were both teaching there and Haley, my wife, had done some type of sewing for your wedding dress. You and Moss were to be married shortly.

Andrea, it has been a while I think, well the last time I believe I saw you was when your car broke down at University Avenue. I forgot the crossroad, but I was in my blue jeep about two cars behind you. I got out and pushed your car to the side of the road and got it fixed. Shortly after, you were on your way. It does seem like I saw you and Zack at times in Page when Haley and I lived there. The most surprising thing to me is when Haley and I lived in Page was how good of friends your mom, Leslie and Haley were. Haley and Leslie used to run together often.
The reason for this letter is to express the gratitude in my heart for the great friends that you were to me when we were younger. I didn’t realize how much of an impact all of you had on my life growing up until lately I have reflected much on my life. I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. A current and recent experience has put me in a state of mind of much gratitude for life, family, friends, Christ, testimony of the gospel and an understanding of the purpose of life. For some reason this experience has caused me to reflect on a time in my life—actually a specific day of my life. I have hesitated to share this with you, because it is kind of corny. (All right, Shanna, how do you spell corny?)

Continued at: http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-from-past-part-iii-about-aris.html

A Story From the Past Part I: Dreaming Doesn’t Hurt

2009-09-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

By Travis Lane
Edited by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

This whole journey with Arianna’s sudden sickness happening so quickly is certainly not something anyone would expect. No parent could ever wish up their child the pain and agony that Haley and I have watched wretch and possess the body of our sweet, little angel, Arianna.
Yet, here we are, in a hopeless circular hell that keeps going round about. We’re her parents. Her little eyes look soulfully at us, as if we have the power to stop the doctors from hurting her. I’ve had to hold her down while the doctors “hurt” her. I’ve had to listen to her sweet little voice cry out, “Daddy, daddy, help me!” And, I can’t. For the first time in my life, I can’t help her. It hurts more than any pain I have ever felt.

We’re watching helplessly each day as she struggles with her pain. We have kept our spirits high and our attitudes positive whenever we are around her. We don’t want her to see tears or pain in our eyes, so we keep it carefully hidden. If she could understand the pain we feel, she may very well give up just to save her parents from their agony. Sometimes we have momentary lapses where we want her to give up simply so that she may be free her from this body that is inflicting such pain and torture.

I have been experiencing a recurring dream that I can’t help but ponder on in my waking hours. It’s so strange, sometimes I only sleep one hour a night, but I still have the same dream. I’ve tried to figure it out. Tried to understand what meaning it holds. I’ve come to the resolution that it doesn’t have any meaning, it’s just a safe place for my mind to go to get away from the challenges we’re experiencing in the waking hours of my life.

The dream, however, has touched my heart. It is of a time in my life when I had no worries. I didn’t have the stress of financial burdens. I didn’t have to worry about where I lived or what I had to eat. I had good friends and a carefree life. I didn’t have the daily struggle of watching my own child suffer. The dream is not actually a dream in the sense that it is a fictional story. The dream is about a real-life event I had with three of my closest childhood friends. But the memory comes to me in a dream.

As I have thought more about that dream, I realized just how much those moments of my childhood meant to me. It is no small coincidence that during the worst part of my adult life, that dream with those friends has crossed through the boundaries of time and reached out to me as a way of supporting me. Though nothing more than mental imagery, it is a real as if it happened yesterday. The feelings, the camaraderie, the innocence, and the childlike illusions are all intact. And, those feelings buffer the pain and illustrate just how beautifully interwoven each of us are in the tapestry of life.

Thoughts and posts

2009-09-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

I woke up this morning and checked my email as I always do. Travis sent me a touching email he shared with four of his closest childhood friends. The tears flowed as I read his words. It is truly impossible to understand what a parent who is fighting for the life of their child must be going through. I will post parts of that email as I get time throughout the day to edit it. It's beautiful.
I am going to start working in St. George again next week and will be away from my children for four nights each week. My heart was aching as I thought of having to leave them. But, knowing it will only be temporary and will get our family to a better place, we have chosen to make the sacrifice now.
I still remember the quote that President Jones had on the wall of the seminary for all of the four years I attended. It read, "Sacrifice is trading what we want most for the moment, for what we want most in the end." That may not be exact, but that is the closest I remember it.
After Travis' email, I not only felt a sliver of his pain, I felt that I should be grateful that my situation is not the same as his. It's funny how we keep hearing that. Travis and Haley were glad they weren't in Vicki's shoes; and Vicki was glad she wasn't in their's. My friend, Lisa (Hamilton) West, always made the comment clear back in high school that if we all threw our trials into a pile and could go and pick out the ones we wanted, we would still probably take ours over someone else's.
I know people who have lived through some of life's hardest trials, and they always say, "I wouldn't trade this experience for anything." I think that is because through our greatest trials we also receive our greatest blessings. I know that Travis and Haley testify daily of the blessings they have received from this trial. Certainly, they would not have chosen it, but they have such a positive outlook they not only are leaving a legacy for their children, but for those who watch their example.
I don't think anyone who knows of their situation has not taken time to reflect on their own lives. Perhaps even hear their own murmurs and complaints. Hopefully, you have also felt gratitude as you thank the Lord for all of the blessings in your own life. This experience has touched me and I am thankful to Travis and Haley for sharing it with so many people. They are angels whose lights are shining bright, not only for their daughter, Ari, but for everyone else as well.

The chemo treatments

2009-09-22T13:19:00.000-07:00

Travis sent out texts yesterday, and they were so sad to read. Poor little Ari is getting the chemo treatments now. Her infection has caused her to have a high fever. Travis said that at times, she is laughing and happy and then she gets the chemo treatments and becomes sick. She vomits, has aches and pains, and gets delusional. She becomes very short tempered. She literally changes from a sweet, little angel to a devil child (as he put it). Sometimes her breathing decreases and her heart starts to fail.

They can all still use prayers and support. Please keep them in your prayers throughout the day. It is certainly a trial for their family and they can use all of the strength they can get.

Fever continues

2009-09-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

Ari has run a fever for the past 10 hours. It is very sad to watch because it literally starts killing her. She is in a lot of pain and will get to the point that she can't breathe and needs oxygen.

Ari has an infection

2009-09-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

The x-rays determined that Ari has a viral infection in her lungs. This is not good news. They are going to run a tube through her nose to her lungs.

Ari continues to have a fever

2009-09-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Ari has continued to have a fever and they have been unable to treat it or bring it down. They believe she may have an infection in one of her organs. They left for radiology at 3:47 p.m. for x-rays.

No news is good news

2009-09-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

I spoke with Travis yesterday to get an update. Essentially, Arianna has stabilized. What that means is she isn't dying anymore. She still has serious health issues, and best case scenario is that she will have a very long stay in the hospital. She is currently responding to the chemo treatments, but still struggles with pain.

In addition to being diagnosed with LCH she also has the following medical conditions: 1) DI (Diabetes Insipidus*); 2) Metabolic Disorder. Her body does not break down proteins correctly; and 3) Her pituitary gland does not function properly. Although her other symptoms should not be related to LCH, the doctors are hoping that treating the LCH may improve her other health problems.

Travis and Haley continue to stay at Primary Children's Hospital with Arianna. They have had lots of visitors come and support them. Their other three children, Kaley, Taylor, and Alaina are living with Dona and Corey Shock in Mt. Pleasant, Utah. They are all enrolled in school and have been receiving alot of attention from their Aunt and Uncle. They are enjoying being in the country. I've heard Kaley (who is an exceptional house cleaner) has been helping Aunt Dona keep the kitchen clean. They are able to Skype their parents regularly, so that has helped them to keep in touch.

They are very grateful for the calls, blog comments, support, and prays from everyone. It has made a daunting situation much more bearable. I think their optimism has been an example for everyone. I am personally grateful to be a part of their lives and be blessed by their faith and stalwartness in pressing forward with a smile on their faces.

*Diabetes Insipidus (DI) is a disorder in which there is an abnormal increase in urine output, fluid intake and often thirst. It causes symptoms such as urinary frequency, nocturia (frequent awakening at night to urinate) or enuresis (involuntary urination during sleep or "bedwetting"). Urine output is increased because it is not concentrated normally. Consequently, instead of being a yellow color, the urine is pale, colorless or watery in appearance and the measured concentration (osmolality or specific gravity) is low.

Jaden comes to Primary Children's Hospital

2009-09-16T13:55:00.001-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

Vicki and Jayden are here from Alaska it has made it more fun for us. Another bitter sweet.

Jayden is having seizures again every five to ten minutes I feel so bad for her and Vicki. If ever I start feeling sorry for our situation I think of Vicki and Jayden having to deal with what they. They are amazing. I think of Michael and Angie losing their baby without being able to say goodbye.

There are a couple of other kids that I have met here. One of which has been here since May and he is pretty much her to die. They are giving treatment to allow his death to be as painless as possible.

One baby who is twelve days old, was born with all of his organs outside of his body as well as his stomach and with no anus. He has recieved four surgeries in the first twelve days of his life. The hospital is not too bad now. The worst was when they were having her fast so that they could sedate her. Also we got her pick line in having to have eight different Iv's.

It was so cute when Jake came in and announced to the room, "Hey guys. You have to wake her up before you poke her." That is one of the saddest things that I have ever seen. Jake was about ready to physically take out a nurse. Travis' family has been so supportive. Jake, Amber, both of our Moms, Jaymi, and Dona for taking care of the kids, and Liz with helping communicate to everyone of what is happening with Arianna. I feel so sorry for Ari because her vains are so small and they cant find them. Even the IV team did not want to poke her.

Good Days and Bad Days

2009-09-16T13:49:00.001-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

Since last Sunday, we have had our good days and bad days. Yesterday, she had her second treatment of chemo and she seems to be doing pretty good. This is a good day. She has several illnesses that will effect her for the rest of her life. One of which is the DI and it is a roller coaster. We are still not sure what dosage to give her and when. That is yet to be determined. Her Kidneys are making too much protein and she has a fatal illness in the metabolic system that needs to be figured out. She is contuining to require blood transfusions for how much longer we do not know.

Also, just an FYI Alaina our second youngest had chicken pox all over her body the day we came into the hospital. That has only allowed us to see our children twice since Arianna has been here in the hospital. The first time was outside of the hospital in the garden section. Travis had surprised me so it was very emotional for me, on top of it I was not allowed to touch or hug Alaina because she had chicken pox and we could not risk getting them to Arianna.

At this point in time, if she were to get chicken pox it would be fatal to her as if she was not already in a deadly fatal position. The second time was also bitter sweet, because Arianna had been having a bad day. But we got to celebrate Taylors birthday and I was able to hold Laney. An extra bonus was that Laney was able to play with my hair wich I love and miss. Taylor had a good birthday thanks to Aunt Dona and Uncle Corey.

Thank goodness for both of them. They have made it so much easier on us and on our kids. We also have put Taylor and Kaley in school in Mt Pleasant and they love it! Since we have no clue of how long we would be here. I am so grateful for Skype. It was the first time that Ari smiled in a long time. We were able to talk to the kids and see them. It made Ari's day. She laughed and smiled. It brought tears to my eyes to see my children so happy to see one another. It was literally a moment that you could not put a price on.

Maybe she is too pure for this world

2009-09-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

I still was confused. Since Ari has been a baby I kept thinking she is way to pure for this world. She is so sweet and so beautiful. It always scared me a little that I thought that. But then I would tell myself oh that is just a paranoid mother thinking. But it was still there and I took a million pictures of her. My sister one day said, "All right Haley we know she is cute, but you're going to make your other kids think she's your favorite."

But I wanted a lot of pictures for what ever the future might hold. When Titan passed away we all wished we had more pictures of him and I didn't want to be wishing the same thing. Then, when all of this started happening I thought maybe I was not paranoid. Maybe I don't get to keep her that long.

About three days before we got to the hospital I felt like I started saying my goodbyes. By the second night in the hospital I felt very lucky that I got to hold her just me and her for this whole time. She uses my arm as pillow and very rarely will she let me move and I love it. I was pretty sure that she was not going to make it through that night. At one point watching her go through so much pain I found myself saying "Its okay, you can go."

Then I thought what the heck? Why is she fighting so hard? I know that if it was me and I was in that kind of pain and drifting off so quickly I would have given up! Thank goodness she has Travis in her. When she didn't go that night it made me think maybe she knows something that I don't and actually everything I think is usually the opposite. Thank goodness Travis is who he is. She also received a blessing later that made me think she is actually going to make it. The next day her platelets were at 8 even thou they had not received the the results back from the MRI Cat scan and biopsy they decided to go ahead with Chemo even though she was not diagnosed yet because her little body was fading to fast. That was last Sunday.

Our First Night in the Hospital

2009-09-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have to say the first night in the hospital was hard but the second night was the worst. She was in so much the pain all she wanted to do was walk. Anything to get her away from the rooms were all the "not fun" stuff happens. We all did about a good 5 miles.

Comments from Alaina

2009-09-16T13:35:00.001-07:00

Alaina, Ari's four year old sister, has obviously been concerned with her sister's progress. She commented to her Aunt Dona the following:

"Aunt Dona, I know Ari is getting better because her face is getting better."

Dona said that Alaina saw her when she looked really sick and like she was dying. Now that she is being treated, her face looks better than it did. It made Alaina happy to know she is getting better.

______________________

This was shared with me from Dona Shock.

Everyone's prayers and help have been so wonderful

2009-09-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a letter a From Travis that I copied from Ar's blog. Aunt Liz made a blog for Ari called http://www.prayforari.blogspot.com/ It has been wonderful. Even now it makes me tear up thinking how much time and love she has put into it and all those that pray for Ari and follow the blog. I am so grateful for you all and want you to know I love you. Here is the letter:

http://prayforari.blogspot.com/2009/09/letter-from-travis.html

Emy Frampton's Prayer for Ari

2009-09-16T13:17:00.001-07:00

This was SO cute, I had to post it. It's from Ari's cousin, Emyly Frampton. This was something she did in Sunday school when they were talking about prayer.

Taken from Bobbi's blog at: http://bobbiframpton.blogspot.com/

Trying to understand LCH

2009-09-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

What is Langerhans cell histiocytosis (LCH)?
Langerhans cell histiocytosis is a rare disorder that occurs when there are too many of a type of white blood cell called a Langerhans cell (named for a German scientist). These cells normally reside in the skin and help fight infections and destroy certain foreign substances in the body. In LCH, these cells accumulate on bones and other parts of the body, particularly the head and neck, causing a wide range of problems. LCH can also be found in the ribs, sternum, long bones of the arms and legs, vertebrae of the spine, and the pelvis. Although LCH can occur in people of all ages, a majority of cases occur in children under 10 years old.

What causes Langerhans cell histiocytosis?
The cause of Langerhans cell histocytosis is not entirely understood. Researchers are studying viral infections or environmental factors that could lead to this disorder. What are the symptoms of Langerhans cell histocytosis? LCH can result in symptoms in one or several parts of the body. Common symptoms include:

● Skin rash (Often diagnosed as cradle cap)

● Tenderness or pain originating from a bone (this explains all the pain she was in. We would always be asked were she was hurting and I would say, all over. She won't let me touch her any where. She also hasn't smiled in weeks. That was so odd because she is such a happy baby. You know the saying, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease. It is so true in this case. She handles her pain so well that every doctor was surprised when we would tell them she was in pain.

● Multiple ear infections(both her ears bursting)

● Excessive thirst and urination(her 2 gallons a day)

● Fever and night sweats(her 104 fever for 2 weeks)

● Weakness and failure to gain weight(her pictures above)

● She also has it in her organs, which is why her stomach is so huge. You can have LCH in one place or multiple places. Depending on where you have it and how severe will determine your survival rate. The odds are not in her favor.

The devastating news, "She might have Leukemia"

2009-09-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

When we sat down with Dr. Smith she told us that they thought she had Leukemia. They had an appointment up at Primary Children’s at 9 am to see Ari. She would have a bone marrow graft taken. On the way home, I was bawling. My Dad, my brother Zed, and Travis gave her a blessing. We packed our things immediately and then headed up to Mt. Pleasant.

We all started fasting and praying. We had about 500 people praying and fasting for us. I believe we had a miracle on our hands. I am so great full to all our friends and Family.The test came back negative. She had 2 blood transfusions that day. Her platelets were at 22, they are supposed to be at 156. This is when they told us about it maybe being LCH.

Our First Trip to Primary Children's Hospital

2009-09-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Written by Haley Lane

The next day we headed up to Primary Children’s Hospital to see if they could do a little more for her. When we arrived, we got the impression that they were wondering why were there. Looking at all the other kids there, I could totally understand why they felt that way. Ari is a beautiful baby and from the outside looked so healthy.

We talked to the kidney specialist and they helped us understand their idea better. They told us she is drinking so much water that there is no room for food. Therefore she is malnourished and needs to cut out water completely. Instead of just formula she can also have Pediasure or milk. I told him that when we take her off water she looks like she is going to die. He reassured me that it was normal for her to look like that and that she wouldn't die. This is what she looked like.

I actually wish we would have got a better picture. Travis said she looked like a concentration camp baby. I thought she looked like something out of a horror movie.The first night off water was pretty bad. She liked doing walks. Luckily in Mt Pleasant the weather was beautiful. Her poor little body shook all night long. She would get mean, she would manipulate anything she could think of to get water. She actually is pretty smart. She reminded us of a drug addict. She finally drank some milk one time after spraying this super salty stuff in her mouth. Then, of course, there was the vomiting. One time she talked Alaina into getting her a drink. She was so happy for that brief moment. She was so miserable and desperate.

Later, one of our doctors said, “Imagine feeling more thirsty then you ever have then multiply that by ten and that was what she was feeling.” How sad. We were in Mt pleasant for a few days. Then we headed back to St George. She was still in lots of pain and had a fever which rose to 104. She also was not backing down on the water intake. And, of course, we were not sleeping. She would take about 15 to 20 min naps and wake up wanting water so bad.
She had another check up. I was jut telling our doctor how there was no change. She still has lots of pain, a fever, won't eat and only wants to drink. Then, as we were getting ready to leave, I said, “Oh, and she has a rash on her private area. I think is from her medicine because it’s a rectal rash.”

She looked at the area. As soon as she saw it her face, it didn't look so good. She was trying to not scare me, but she told me that it could be caused by a fever or a virus but usually it only occurs on the upper body. Of course, we had to get labs drawn. I texted Travis and said man you owe me big. It was his turn and he got out of it again. As I left, we set a appointment for Friday, which was in about 4 days.

On Thursday, on my way to Scouts the doctor’s receptionist called me. She was very upbeat and said, “We have an appointment for Arianna on Friday but we were wondering if we could see her today.” I told her I was doing something, but I would have my husband bring her down. She replied, “Actually we would like to talk both of you. I gulped. That is never something you want to hear.